Yup, I signed up for NaNoWriMo again. Yup, I gave up again. My excuse this year was the five-day road trip to Iowa, during which I tried to write but found myself both uninspired and carsick.
We were there to visit Ross's family and enjoy and early Thanksgiving. It was a very quick but pleasant trip, made even sweeter by my decision to drop NaNoWriMo this year. No, it's not that I am proud to be a quitter. Not by any means. I've tried this three times and just haven't been able to discipline myself enough to stick with a daily writing schedule. And yes, I know that I will NEVER be a successful writer if I can't do that.
But, while we were in Iowa, I realized a few very important things about myself - things I was unhappy with. Things I want - and need - to change. Things that are far more important than stringing together 50,000 words and patting myself on the back.
Don't think that I'm mocking those who are participating. I think it's a super idea, but for me, right now, it's become low priority.
In two days, I will be 33 years old. My baby just turned 5 months old. I am very unhappy with my body. With my general state of health. I've been told that moms can't snap right back into shape, that their bodies take 9 months to change and grow a baby and that there should be 9 months for it to return to "normal". Which is fine. But that doesn't mean that when my baby is 9 months old, suddenly by body will magically drop these 25 pounds, that my lungs will return to their "running-friendly" state, and that I will be able to sign up for the next 5K that pops up in my Facebook feed.
I have to DO something.
Granted, for 3 months after the birth of my baby, I was under medical orders not to exercise. I'd had an emergency c-section and frankly, dealing with a baby who couldn't nurse, dealing with my own emotions, and dealing with the choice to return to work - or not - after becoming a mom, well, all those things were more than enough for me to focus on. I wasn't worried that I couldn't squeeze my still-swollen feet into my Nikes. Who cared?
Well, now that I've had to invest in a new, "upsized" wardrobe...I do.
It's time to celebrate me by beginning to take care of myself again. Eating healthier. Cooking at home more often. Hiding the Halloween candy from myself. Walking again. Refusing to put myself down with my own words. Putting God first again.
So. For the rest of this month - and hopefully, indefinitely, I have to focus on myself and my family in a healthy, God-honoring way. It doesn't mean I won't write. It just means that I need to plan my time better, to sacrifice some of it for my husband and my son, to work on healthier decisions, to improve my spending habits, to put a little more effort into housework, to exercise more, to pray more, to cook more, to love more, to connect more with friends and family.
And...yeah...to put down the smartphone more.
So that's what I'm doing for the rest of the month. To my Nano-friends: I salute you! May success be yours! I'll join you next year. By then, I am hoping and praying, I will have gotten back into the routine of taking care of myself.
In fact, I'm planning on it.