Real Love?

Today, I heard the statistic that a full 56% of Americans surveyed believe in the concept of "love at first sight". 

I almost threw up.

Maybe that's one the biggest problem with society today.  Maybe it's way bigger than gun control, or marriage equality, or mental disease, or religious freedom, or anything else that we can find to fight about. 

It sounds curmudgeonly to say it, but I think the very idea of "love at first sight" is complete bunk.  Poppycock.  A fable. In fact, those very words are pretty darn curmudgeonly, too, but then "curmudgeonly" is, sadly, an under-appreciated word.  Cur.  Mudge.  On.  Ly.  Curmudgeonly!  Type it - it doesn't even feel natural to the fingers, all splayed out over the keys like that.

Back on topic: sure, it's easy to be enraptured with the idea of locking eyes with an attractive stranger and being swept up in a dramatic, emotional affair.  After all, isn't that what so many bar-hoppers are looking for on Saturday nights?  Pretty sure they aren't in the market for a long-term committment - someone who will attend grandfather's funeral with them, or remember to pick up the dry cleaning after work on Thursday.  At least, not the people I know who bar-hop (or used to). Isn't that what the movies feed us, though?  Isn't that how romance novels introduce us to their "heroes"?

The problem with that concept is this: love is not a feeling.  It's not an idea.  It's a choice.  It's a decision.  I love Disney movies as much as the next girl.  Honestly.  They're pretty.  They're fun.  And full of adventure and romance and animals that talk. 

But reality?  Nope.

Well...that would include a sequel in which Cinderella develops embarrassing corns on her feet, leading to painful surgery; Aurora is given an expensive treatment for her narcolepsy that isn't covered by her insurance policy and Prince Philip needs to refinance the castle's mortgage; Ariel gets mercury poisoning from sushi; the Beast realizes that he needs anger-management classes; Belle's dreams of becoming a writer are dashed by rejections from numerous publishing houses;  Aladdin deals with self-esteem issues over marrying above his station; and Tarzan and Jane's children refuse to wear pants, inciting neighbors to call child services on them.

Kind of depressing, huh?

That's where love comes in.  Love is the decision to fight past the disappointments and remind each other about hope and better times.  Love is the promise of "we will get through this".  Love is the blessing God gave man and woman to help them survive the disasters of daily life.  Everything from burning dinner to losing a child is a tragedy in some way or another, and without love, it's pretty tough to navigate life as all those problems begin to pile up.  Even lots of "little" ones, put together, are practically insurmountable. 

Love gives us strength for the climb.  Sometimes, it gives us wings to soar above problems altogether.  But love isn't a quick fix.

That's not to say you can't fall in love quickly.  I did.  Ross proposed when we'd only been dating three months and I said 'yes' with no hesitation whatsoever.  In two days, we celebrate our three-year-anniversary.  But falling in love with someone purely by looking at them?  That's as shallow as the human race can possibly get.  "I like how you look; therefore, I want to possess you."

That's called "lust", friends.  It means 'wanting something that doesn't belong to you'.  And it's called a sin in most major religions.  Even some minor ones, I'd bet.  It's not a good thing.  Don't get me wrong.  Immediate attraction can certainly lead to healthy, mature, loving relationships.  It can open the door to love.  Desiring something that you don't have can be a way to spur us to action, to change, to another path that better defines us.

But please don't give something so fleeting and fickle as lust the huge and all-encompassing title of "love".