I suppose, during a season which has sadly become a paean to commercialization,
greediness and our general inability to appreciate what we have, it’s a good
time to post my Christmas wish list. I
admit, maybe it’s a teensy bit snarky. But,
the good news is, nothing costs a cent!
Will Santa deliver? I’ll be
listening for those tap-tapping reindeer hooves on my roof…
Dear Santa Claus,
I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked, but surely you
can understand that I’ve been working full-time for years now, and volunteering
and other things, so, well, my holidays have been busy. I thought maybe I’d take it easy on you this
year, seeing as how I’m getting back into this whole “wish list” thing. Your elves can take their union break, because
all I want is…
1.
For drivers to use their headlights when it’s
dark out. You, of all people, Santa,
understand how incredibly important this is.
I’m sure you have annual inspections done on Rudolph’s nose just to make
sure there are no loose wires. You seem
to take flying very seriously, and I’m certain that safety is vital to your
success. I’m hoping that those of us
who don’t fly sleds can perhaps begin to follow your example. And…while you’re at it, Santa, can you please
make sure that all those expensive cars, the Jaguars and BMWs and Benzes…please,
please make sure that they are being properly equipped with turn signals. I never see them being used and I’m so afraid
these people are spending all this money on these beautiful cars
and getting cheated out of the most basic equipment. It’s a crying shame.
2.
For new parents to stop naming their sons
“Brayden”. Seriously. I work in a doctors’ office, Santa. And like every third new baby boy coming in
is named Brayden. Or Braedan. Or Bradeynn.
You get the idea. Please, Santa,
direct those moms-to-be some good old-fashioned baby name websites for
Christmas?
3.
For my old professors to find great new
jobs. Jobs with dignity. Since you see everything, Santa, you know
that many of the administrators at Clarion University has been very, very naughty this year and retrenched a
lot of my favorite professors and teachers, claiming that there weren’t enough
funds to keep arts education alive. I
know you’d never do that to any of your elves – especially not the extra
personable, talented ones who make you look really good.
4.
More of a “Peanuts” Christmas and less of a
“Lady Gaga” Christmas. You know what I’m
saying, Santa. More “we” and less “me”
this year. And less nudity, I guess. That would be cool. Since even if people don't consider it a religious holiday, it's still supposed to be a family-friendly one, right? I knew you'd understand.
Thanks, Santa. And sorry there won't be any cookies this year. My oven broke last week. Can I interest you in a bag of cheese curls and some Mountain Dew instead? You're the best.
Love, Becky
No comments:
Post a Comment