Understanding Your Introverted Female Writer Friend

We're the ones that you can't fully comprehend.  Why in the name of all things holy would we decline a Saturday night party in favor of sitting at home with microwave popcorn and Netflix?  

Because people exhaust us, generally.  And because we prefer the ones living inside our own heads.

We are the ones driving to and from work, or school, or the grocery store, listening to the radio and applying the songs to scenes in the movie-versions of our manuscripts.  

We work out and choreograph fight scenes in our mind.

We have the capacity to be incredibly kind and conversational to the cashier at Target but only for like four minutes and then we want to be done with people.

We remember you as you were when you inspired us to create a character based on you.  Not how you are today.  Which may be very, very different.

We think about writing fanfic, or we have written fanfic, and we wonder if it damages our ability to be taken seriously as writers.

We see ads in fashion magazines and create entire backstories for the people featured in the images.

We play dress-up in the mirror, carefully applying lipstick we may never wear in public, to get into our characters' heads.

We sometimes loathe selfies but we hope that ours - the ones we do take - make us look both pretty and pensive.  Smart is sexy.

We're in multiple fandoms and we do not take issue with people who like both "Star Trek" and "Star Wars" but for God's sake, people, don't confuse one with the other.

When we are not actively working on a story, we are dreaming up situations for our characters, playing with their histories and their futures.  We are listening to playlists we have created for them, trying to get to know them well enough to do them justice in print.

We like coffee.  And cats.

If you give us coffee and cats, we might put you in a book.

As a nice person.  Like, the hero.









...or maybe this is all just me.

The Bleeding Basement (and Other Homeowner Woes)

Surely I am not being too arrogant in assuming that at least some of my faithful readers have wondered where I've been these past six weeks?  Surely someone missed me?

Well, we moved.  It all happened rather fast, for something so big and dramatic and life-changing.  We weren't really looking for a house, but my husband was getting regular e-mail updates on local homes from his former boss, and now real-estate agent, Jan.  He wasn't reviewing them to move, per se, but was looking to purchase a possible rental property.  I wasn't keen on the financial risk, especially since we have a baby now, but he kept looking.

Lo and behold, a small house became available - on the same street as my parents.  Now, before we had the baby, I would never have imagined living so close to my folks.  Even though they are wonderful and I truly consider them among my favorite people in the world, I thought it was important to establish myself away from them.  I still do.  But a baby is a lot to handle, even a happy and relatively easy baby like Ronen.  

Long story short, it ended up being the perfect place for us.  Most everything is on one story, which is great because all of our parents are nearing that "limited mobility" phase in life, plus I don't want to trip down the stairs with my son ever again.  We call our new place the Hobbit House.  It was clearly built for short people (I can easily reach all the kitchen cabinets).  We love it.

Except...

Well, unless we started from scratch on a brand new home, there are always exceptions, right?  

The perks of the new place are many: recently redone hardwood floors, a galley kitchen (divine compared to my old "two-room" kitchen), two large and one small bedroom (which we turned into the TV room and are decorating with sci-fi posters and art), a slightly sloped yard, pleasant neighbors (kinda), and a huuuuuuge attic for storage.  The cats have already laid claim to their new spots - Loki sleeps upstairs, on the window ledge or atop the railing.  Freyja prefers the windows in the baby's room (the only grip I've got is that she leaves fur all over his changing pad!), and Thor likes to sprawl in the middle of the hallway between the rooms.  Which means I've already tripped on him 8,239 times since moving.  The basement is divided into several smaller rooms, one of which Ross has already claimed as his Man Cave, and another will be my writing nook (once we clear it of unpacked boxes).  

Oh, yeah...

The basement.

While it was absolutely a selling point for us, it's also let us in on some unexpected surprises.

Like the blood on the floor.

Well, it wasn't really blood, my hypersensitive olfactory powers determined.

It was balsamic vinegar.

And it was seeping up through the paint on the cellar floor.

If you go downstairs during a heavy thunderstorm, you will see "blood" drops glistening on the floor.  

It's terrifying.  And, yes, I had a "Telltale Heart" moment when I first saw it, oozing out from beneath Ross's gaming television.

Apparently, the elderly Italian man who had lived here was a homemade wine aficionado.  And apparently, he got rather clumsy when he imbibed.  So he spilled some.    We aren't exactly sure how that all worked out, but we guess that it stained the floor, dried up but was never cleaned, was painted over (with the wrong kind of paint), and now gets "rehydrated" during rainy days.  

So, yeah, maybe it's more Poe-esque than that, and maybe there's a horrible story associated with it.  I don't want to think about that, though.  Right now, we're just trying to figure out a way to dry out the cellar while keeping the litter-box smell from wafting up through the rest of the house.  The cats have their own "bathroom" downstairs, too, with a small window for ventilation and a door I prefer to keep mostly closed.  

Oh, and there's a bidet.

Did I mention the bidet?

I find Thor curled up around it, asleep, sometimes.  People, there's not a lot funnier than a cat wrapped around a bidet.  

Unless it's a cat in a bidet. 

(We're getting rid of the bidet.)

Which One of My Cats Are You?

Hey, Buzzfeed is all over this kind of thing.  So, I figured I'd give it a go.

1. Your significant other has returned home from a long day.  What is the first thing you do? 
     (a) Check his or her bag.  Any presents for you?
     (b) Fall over yourself with excitement.
     (c) Warmly greet him or her, then push for some snuggle time.

2. How do you react to something unexpected and new?
    (a) I check it out, but I'm likely to reject it.
    (b) I'm curious.  I am willing to learn more, but I'm nervous, too.
    (c) New things are great!  Things will work out fine, I'm sure.

3. What are you most likely to watch?
    (a) Something dark and brooding, like Criminal Minds.
    (b) Something bright and happy, like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
    (c) Something charming and romantic, like Pride and Prejudice.

4. Someone invades your personal space.  What do you do?
    (a) I make it VERY clear that intimacy is on MY terms.  Period.    
    (b) Depends.  Sometimes it's ok and other times I'm like OMG LEAVE ME ALONE.
    (c) I welcome it.  I love feeling close to others.

5. What kinds of foods do you like?
    (a) Anything.  Especially if it's bad for me.  Doritos, pizza, wings - yeah!
    (b) I'm crazy picky.  It's almost embarrassing how picky I am.
    (c) I'm up for most things.  I'm also good at putting meals together for myself.  

6. Naptime!  What's your deal?
    (a) Somewhere private, cozy, and comfy.  You're not likely to find me for hours.
    (b) I can fall asleep anywhere.  You'll find me somewhere unusual.  
    (c) I'm always in the same spot, out in the open.  I'm not ashamed.  Nappers unite! 

7. Who's your bestie?
    (a) Someone I can connect with.  Someone who understands my needs completely.
    (b) Someone who is fun and playful and not afraid to be silly!
    (c) Someone I can nurture and protect.  I'm kind of parental that way.

8. Which is closest to the childhood you experienced?
    (a) I felt abandoned.
    (b) Nothing but love!
    (c) I was a loner.

9.  Let's talk hygiene.  What's your deal?
    (a) I am FASTIDIOUSLY clean.  To a fault.  Borderline OCD, even.
    (b) I like things the way I like them.  That's about it.
    (c)  I'm kind of a slob.

10. Be honest.  How do you get along with others?
    (a) I don't like people.
    (b) I guess I'm kind of an ambivert.  Mostly people are okay but I need my space.
    (c) No matter what race, age, sex, religion or ethnicity you are, I LOVE YOU.

Tally up your score!  

If you got mostly A's, you're Thor.  Basically, you're pretty much a jerk. You're that stereotypical cat that makes people dislike cats.  You're alternately needy and dismissive, and you're not particularly social. You're extremely picky about who you like. You're kind of like the introvert of people's nightmares.  If you have to spend too much time with people, you turn into a bit of a bully.  Seriously - only a mother could love you.

If you got mostly B's, you're Loki.  You are one heck of an odd bird.  You have pretty terrifying mood swings, and they definitely keep people on their toes - even though, most of the time, you're just friendly and curious.  You're a typical middle child, sometimes bullied, while other times you're the bully. You're playful and creative, though, and because of this, you're likely to turn anything into a game.  You have a persistent personality and never take "no" for an answer.  You also like to hang out in the bathroom.  While someone uses it.  Creep.

If you got mostly C's, you're Freyja.  You're unusually nurturing and patient - for a cat.  Seriously.  You are, like, a saint.  You're extremely friendly, gentle, generous, and loving.  You're more of a loyal German Shepherd than you are a cat, actually.  You're not judgmental in the least and you love spending time with others.  You don't always stand up for yourself, though, which might be your ONLY flaw.  Other than your tendency to vomit on the buffet table, that is.

Blog Bit: Stuff My Cats Do (Part Three)

The cats don't often sleep with us.  We value our own rest too much to endure the perpetual purring of Loki or Thor's grunts as he shifts position.

Thor: EVERY SINGLE NIGHT before
I go to bed.  Pretty much going to steal
 my soul, I think.

Still, every so often, and usually on the weekends, we let the little buggers curl up with us.  Thor lays on top of me, practically curling up on my neck, until he gets bored, or I move, or try to get under the blanket (Thor is only happy when we are both on top of the blanket).  Then he sighs and leaves.

Loki, on the other hand, is pretty much like that toddler who you are REALLY trying to put in her big-girl bed...but who somehow finds herself wedged between you and your hubby, making weird noises and keeping either of you from falling asleep, while she blissfully slumbers.

She has a super-creepy and borderline dangerous habit of nudging me awake, then positioning herself so that my arm is parallel with her body.  Then she licks my fingers and wraps all four paws around my arm.  My hand usually ends up nestled in her soft belly fur as she purrs, while my flesh is gently enclosed by razor-sharp talons that could pierce my very soul at any moment.

It's pretty terrifying.

So, yeah.  We don't usually sleep with our pets.  And from what I hear about kids' fingernails and sleepy-time fist-pumping, we won't be sleeping with our children, either!