On Second Thought...

Although I cannot recall the attribution, I recently read somewhere that the first thought that pops into your head about a person or situation is the one you were "trained" to have.  The second thought is the one that defines you as a person.

The idea fascinates me.  As a practicing Christian, I want to be more like Jesus - more loving, more patient, more honest, more encouraging.  Yet I'm appalled, sometimes, by the thoughts that seem to jump into my head.  Seeing a young woman use food stamps while she's pulling out her brand-new iPhone and clicking at it with freshly manicured nails while her three half-dressed children are screaming in the grocery cart.  Obviously she's abusing the system, right?  How could she afford a nice smartphone if she had to apply for government aid?  And for goodness' sake, WHY isn't she taking care of those kids?!

Maybe the phone was a gift.  Maybe her best friend works at a salon and did her nails for free.  And the kids - who knows?  Maybe it was such a nightmare getting them out of the house that one lost a shoe and mom didn't have time to grab it.  Now that I'm a parent, I'm beginning to understand that kids are unpredictable.  They have tantrums at the most inconvenient times.  And sometimes, trying to find an effective method of discipline takes time and lots of trial and error.  I didn't "get" that before Ronen was born.

During my time at Starbucks, I learned a lot about relating to people.  I wasn't the perfect employee, but there were at least a few instances where I seemed to get along with "problem customers" better than some of my peers.  It might have been because, each time a guest treated me rudely or dismissively, I forced myself to think: "Maybe he had a really ugly fight with his wife this morning and he's still shaken about it" or "Maybe she has a meeting at work today that she's not ready for" or "Maybe his kid is failing out of college".  I learned - very slowly - not to take criticism or bad attitudes personally.  I learned to separate what was being said from how it was being said.  

This was incredibly useful, too, later, when I worked for another company in a totally different field.  There was a woman there who was very good at her job, but very abrasive.  She never got that "praise sandwich" memo - you know, where you offer negative feedback to an employee by first encouraging them or reinforcing their positive qualities, then give them the "bad news", and finish with something uplifting?

Image from www.alexanderchrisostomou.co.uk

Yeah, it was like that idea had never crossed her mind.  Most people in the office disliked her, and many outright hated her.  One even asked me, flat-out, "How do you get along with her?"  I replied to this person that, when the woman criticised me, I tried to evaluate what she was saying, rather than how it was coming out of her mouth.  If what she was saying was valid - for example, I'd made a mistake while calculating something - then I accepted it for what it was worth, worked on the problem and moved on.  If it was something without merit - just a lady in a bad mood lashing out - then I dropped it and also moved on.

It wasn't easy and it wasn't something that happened overnight.  I'm also sad to say that it is a skill that never fully translated into my personal life from my professional one.  That's the reason I find myself having the "first thoughts" I mentioned above.  Thoughts of defensiveness.  Of judgment.  Of derision.  Most of them, ultimately, are related to pride or vanity.  "I'm better than than person - in some way."  "I would NEVER make that kind of decision."  "What a stupid thing to say; I'd never comment like that."

This even came up in customer service training at my current job in a pediatric office.  The lecturer spoke about "self-talk", which is in essence, the same thing.  He taught that we might not be able to control how we WANT to react when something happens, but we can "talk ourselves down" to a reasonable place.  It's the same thing as allowing your initial reaction to exist, acknowledging it, and moving on to a more humane or compassionate conclusion.

So I'm trying to be far more conscious of that first thought, and decide what I want to do with it.  Am I going to keep it and make it a part of me?  Or am I going to release it and replace it with a thought that expressed more compassion, more patience, more forgiveness?

The Bible has a lot to say about our thought life, too.  It tells us that God knows our thoughts (1 Corinthians 2:11), as did Jesus when we walked the earth as a man (Luke 9, Luke 11). The best advice the Bible gives about our thought life in regards to others, I think, is in Romans.  Chapter 14, verse 13 admonishes believers to "stop passing judgment on one another.  Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." This is useful advice that reminds us that we choose to pass judgment and it can cause others to second-guess themselves, as well as make us antagonists.  Are we not supposed to encourage and build up instead of tear down?  Are we not supposed to be a united front for Christ?

Instead of "that driver is a major jagoff" I can choose to give the benefit of the doubt.  Consciously thinking,  "I hope he's not in an accident" or "I hope there's no emergency" allow me to see other people as I'm learning to see myself: flawed, but with potential.

We're all human after all, no?

Shame

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

I'm sorry for the times you felt hated.  I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't be yourself; I'm sorry if you felt devalued or unimportant.  I'm sorry you were criticized instead of cared for.

I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't speak up.  I'm sorry that you felt your clothing, or your piercings, or your tattoos, or your divorce, or your unplanned pregnancy, or your sexual history made you invalid or unwanted.

I'm sorry that you were encouraged to feel that way.

I'm sorry that, instead of treasuring you, we branded you with your mistakes and set you in the corner - a warning to those who might follow in your footsteps.

I'm sorry that, when you needed a friend, you got a sermon.

I'm sorry that, when you needed hope, you got judgment.

I'm sorry that we who call ourselves by the name of Christ don't always reflect Him.

A few weeks ago, I came across a group on Facebook which purported to belong to a Christian community.  Although I could not verify if it was genuine, it was really disturbing.  Due to the content of the page, I can only hope that it's bogus, designed by non-Christians in an attempt to mock or discredit Christianity.

It was nauseating.  I refuse to post any links here or even identify the organization because I don't want to give them any traffic, but the page was covered in anti-homosexual, anti-woman, anti-adoption, anti-immigration, anti-formula-feeding, anti-rock music, and anti-government propaganda.  The posts were juvenile, taking scriptural verses dramatically out of context and using them to shame and slander those who would disagree.  

The more I think about it, the more disgusted I get.  First and foremost, I am ashamed to even imagine the idea that people might come across this group - whether they are genuine or phony - and think they are an accurate representation of Christianity.  Or any religion, for that matter.  Secondly, I'm so heartsick that, if this is a real group, these people have been so violently deceived by...well, whomever heads up this cult.  Slapping the label of Christianity on this group is like hearing Nicki Minaj's fake British accent and assuming she's the Queen of England.  

I've posted about this before and been very open about my beliefs in person.  I do believe that the Bible is the Word of God.  I also believe that simply quoting it to people is not an effective way to share God's love with others.  I believe there is a right and a wrong, and there is an absolute Truth that really does supercede all of our individual belief systems.  That's generally considered an outdated way of thinking nowadays, and I acknowledge that.  I'm okay with it.  What I'm not okay with is that, because of the actions of some high-profile, low-morality "church" groups, the label "Christian" has become synonymous with "bigot", "hateful", "judgmental", "hypocritical" and "narrow-minded".  

For those of you reading this blog who feel that way, I am sorry.  I truly am.  Although no one's perfect, Christians by the very nature of their faith are supposed to live as closely to the ideal of Jesus Christ as possible.  That doesn't mean condoning what they disagree with, but it does mean treating others with love.  The simplest definition of love, I think, other than the word "God", is this: "to wish someone well, regardless of circumstances."  To be able to love someone doesn't preclude one's own convictions.  

I can disagree with your religion, your lifestyle, your decisions, your parenting, your fashion sense, your bumper stickers - and still love you.

It's my hope that the Christians in your life - if there are any - are sharing the Gospel with you out of love, not a sense of superiority.  Or obligation.  Or guilt.  

Or judgment.

I want to be more like Jesus.  But I am NOT Jesus.  He has the final say, and my job is to try to point you to Him.  To live a life that makes you want to know more about my faith - not less.  To express myself in a way that is honest and clear, not cloaked in mystery and metaphor.  To share my beliefs in a respectful, no-nonsense, accessible way.  To understand that every single person in the world has been given free will and can and will make his or her own decisions.  

Like I made mine.

Overcomer

There are times when I listen to a lot of Christian music.  There are times, a lot lately, when I prefer oldies or classic rock - or a good dose of Pat Benatar or Billy Idol.  Still, I'd heard a lot of buzz about Christian pop star Mandisa's recently-released single, Overcomer.  I've developed a lot of respect for this woman since I had first learned about her.  

Foremost, she is openly and joyfully in love with Jesus, and that is a beautiful thing.  She is an optimist but is down-to-earth and readily admits her faults.  Yes, I base much of my impression on social media, but let's be honest: if you were trying to look more put-together than you really are, why talk about how much you love your bed on Facebook?  The girl is real.  Her very public dismissal from American Idol by Simon Cowell, who snidely insulted her weight - as well as her immediate, gracious, and loving reply - were what launched her career, rather than canning it.  While much of America looks to actress Jennifer Lawrence as their "everywoman" - unashamed to talk about food, prone to goofing around, and all-around decent, I relate more, I think, to Mandisa.  I could actually imagine sitting down with her and joking about clothing a zaftig figure, loving Southern-fried food, and how there are a lot of days when Christians don't even feel saved.

So, when I heard her new song for the first time, I cried.  The message, like many of hers, is both simple and essential.  The theme of overcoming is mentioned a lot in the Bible.  It can be found in 1 John 5:4, where is is clearly stated "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."  

The concept of living victoriously because Jesus triumphed over the grave is not, as some think, a "bonus blessing" only to be received by an elite few.  I am learning that is actually a fundamental building block of the faith!  If you have accepted the already pretty hard-to-swallow idea that Jesus is God's son, that He died for your sins, that He rose from the dead, and that He absolutely and completely adores you, then the next step is to believe that He actually wants you to live a full and fulfilling life.  That doesn't, of course, mean that your life will always be comfortable, or that you will never experience stress, sorrow, or pain.  But it does mean that you have the power and the choice to look past your circumstances into the eyes of the One who created you, who actually wants you to experience peace and joy.  

Don't get me wrong, here.  I am not preaching or promising a life full of warm fuzzies!  I'm speaking from a place of, well, not a lot of warm fuzzies myself.  I'm missing my mom.  I can hardly believe it's been seven months already since she passed away.  I mourn the loss of my children.  Ross is having a very hard time finding a job that suits him better than his current one.  His hours do not allow for a lot of quality time with me or our families.  

I can focus on the things that make me unhappy, or I can focus on the fact that, in spite of everything that is painful and uncertain right now, God does have a plan for my future, and everything will be okay.

I listen to Overcomer most days during my lunchtime power-walk.  It reminds me that, according to God's word, I'm not an overcomer when I see, feel, or experience victory.  I am one now.  I am allowed and even encouraged to hold me head high, smile, and walk joyfully through any situation with the knowledge that my enemy cannot destroy me.  I am an overcomer, even though I have lost three pregnancies.  God is bigger than miscarriage.  God is bigger than the doctors' response of "we don't know what's wrong."  God is bigger than the fear that threatens to rise up and suffocate me when I think about trying to conceive again.

June 2012, at my sister's wedding.

I have not yet seen victory in that area of my life, but I my spirits are lifted by the victory I am seeing in another area - weight loss.  Like Mandisa, I have grown more conscientious of my health in the past several months.  In the past year, I have (slowly!) lost nearly 20 pounds.  I was a size 13 in Juniors' styles this January, and I'm now beginning to try on size 7.  

 

 

This is uncharted territory for me!  I have never in my adult life dreamed of it.  I'm having more fun with fashion - even embracing skinny jeans!  Beyond that, I know that I am helping my heart and lungs, and even possibly helping to prepare my body for a healthy

August, 2013.

pregnancy.  Soon, I hope!  While I may not reach my goal weight by my November birthday, I have proven to myself that I can make a difference in my own life.  God's presence throughout this process has been subtle.  He hasn't shown up with a loud voice and fireworks, but he has calmly and steadily given me the strength to stop believing the lies I've told myself, or let others tell me.  The lie that my asthma was my identity.  The lie that it was no use to try to change, because everything was always going to be the same.  The lie that I just had to accept my family's health history as my own, and just wait for diabetes to set in.  The lie that I never, ever accomplish my goals.  The lie that I'm not worth taking care of.

That's the key to really accepting the fact that you're already an overcomer.  It's to stop listening to the lies that whisper "you're not good enough, God doesn't love you enough, and he isn't big enough to help you."  Once you finally understand that his grace is enough, he does love you enough and more than enough, and he is big enough to handle your pain and doubt, you can start to live like an overcomer - even if you don't feel like one.

Approaching Jericho

My aunt and uncle sometimes mention that their house is on the small side, but I remember that, during my childhood, I was more excited to go to their place than even my grandparents'!  Maybe it was the infrequency of our visits that made it special; maybe it was the pool table, or my aunt's exotic perfume collection (how could a ten-year-old resist opening every single beautiful bottle for a sniff?!), or visiting little Joey (their late, great, sweet-natured pup).  I think a lot of it had to do with their beautiful screened-in porch!

When Ross and I were visiting recently for a summer picnic, I noticed a simple sign above their back door.  On it was Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Initially, I thought, "Ooh, that's pretty intense.  Don't most people just have a nice, happy, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" print on the wall instead?  My Uncle Brent explained that he and Marianne were married on June 23 (6/23) and wanted to honor that day and God alike by making the verse part of their home.  I loved the idea - and, frankly, although it's not the most cheerful verse in the Bible (it's got that nasty word "death" in it), it's a very, very true one - one that is central to the theme of Christianity itself.  

Naturally, I got home that night and began pawing through my Bible for a verse for Ross and myself (our wedding was on January 9, 2010).  I am in no way into numerology, but I know that the Word is full of symbolism - including that of numbers.  I found 2 Samuel 1:9, "Then he said to me, 'Stand here and kill me!  I'm in the throes of death, but I'm still alive.'"  Yikes.  (That story was about the violent demise of King Saul, by the way, who was severely injured by a woman.)  I also found Ecclesiastes 1:9, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."  (True, yes, but vaguely depressing.  Thanks, Solomon.)  There was also Leviticus 1:9, "You are to wash the internal organs and the legs with water, and the priest is to burn all of it on the altar.  It is a burnt offering, a food offering, an aroma pleasing to the Lord."  (A recipe for sacred barbecue.  I was getting nowhere here!)  I moved into the New Testament, which, as a reflection of Christ's first coming, was naturally more filled with encouraging and forgiving verses.  I read John 1:9, "The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world."  (Yay, Jesus!  But still not exactly the verse I wanted.)  After that is Hebrews 1:9, "You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy."  (Wow!  Beautiful and powerful...but still not quite right.)  Back to the Old Testament for some really poetic stuff, I thought.  Song of Solomon 1:9 reads, "I liken you, my darling, to a mare among Pharaoh's chariot horses."  

Nope.

I was thinking that maybe I should just, you know, use the whole Bible as my marriage verse when I found it - the granddaddy of them all.  

Image courtesy of voiceofthepersecuted.wordpess.com.

Nailed it!

This verse, so tiny, is so powerful because it contains three significant parts.  It starts with a reminder, includes a command, and ends with a promise.  Before we dissect it, let's return this verse to its historical and scriptural context: the book of Joshua.  The situation is tense: Moses, the humble man of God who led the Israelites out of Egypt, has died before they entered the Promised Land.  The people are restless and - we know from reading the books of Moses - very, very fickle and prone to violence.  There are a few more challenges ahead before the Hebrews are able to enter their new home.  God has chosen Joshua as their new leader.  Can you imagine the burden that was placed on this man's shoulders?  To step into the shoes (er, sandals) of the greatest leader within living memory?  To rally and restrain a vast sea of people whose track record for obedience is practically non-existent?  To hear and obey God when thousands of voices - of both men and of spirits - might be telling you to do otherwise?  Joshua's new role - given to him because he had previously been faithful to the Lord where others had not - was a very difficult one.  God himself assigned him the role, but with it came a list of instructions.  

In his first chat with Joshua, the Lord tells him to "be courageous".  That word means "valiant, tenacious, plucky, brave, resolute, heroic, and undaunted".  It doesn't necessarily mean "unafraid".  The implied meaning is that you're going to follow through with a task, no matter how scary or challenging it might be.  We can be courageous in sharing the Gospel when we think we'll be rejected.  We can be courageous when trying something new, either spiritual or secular.  (For example, I know several people, both women and men, who have made courageous efforts in losing weight and getting healthy.  They've been brave to face their situations, and undaunted in their efforts to change - even when they have made mistakes, they have wiped the slate clean and started again right away.)  We can be courageous even in something as simple as sticking to our daily reading plans.  Courage is something that is so important to God that he reminded Joshua of it three times.  (The verse above included his third reminder.)  The Lord "ENcouraged" his chosen leader.  The prefix "en" means "to enclose or encircle, to include".  God's words alone infused Joshua with the very bravery he would need to complete the goals ahead of him!

The second portion of the verse addresses the specific challenges that were facing Joshua.  as I mentioned earlier, Joshua's posse was full of doubters, nay-sayers, the discontent, and whiners.  It would be very easy to be afraid of their reactions - especially if they didn't like the fact that Joshua was now their leader.  God specifically tells Joshua to keep his spirits up and not let anxiety overtake him.

The third part of the verse is the sweetest promise God has ever given mankind.  "The Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  That promise alone makes the previous commands easier to follow.  If you know you're never alone, you can be brave, valiant, and courageous.  If you realize that God is on your side, you can take on giants.  You can lead a murmuring, complaining people to victory.

And you can overcome the sorrow of miscarriage.

Had I rediscovered this verse earlier in my marriage, I don't think it would resonate with me the way it does now.  Freshly wed, my husband and I were starry-eyed and eager for our future.  Most newlyweds are.  We made the promise before God and man to take care of each other no matter what storms blew our way.  Now that we've waded through floods, languished in the desert, and have been nearly drowned in disappointment and sorrow, Joshua 1:9 applies to us like it never could have before.

It's a loving but firm reminder from the Lord.  "I've told you before to be strong," he is saying,  "Don't let fear rule you; let me.  I promised I'd have your back forever.  Let me prove it."

This verse is already the background on my phone.  I'm excited to put it up on my walls - for it to be the first and sweetest encouragement of my morning, and the final promise before I close my eyes.

Ketch-Up

My step-mom used to be the children's church teacher at Berean Fellowship, and she led the kids in a simple game they called Ketch-Up.  She took an empty Heinz ketchup bottle (we're Pittsburghers, so the kids literally rejected the Hunt's bottle I once tried to substitute) and passed it down the line of kids.  When a child had the bottle, he or she had a few minutes to share something - whether it was a worry about a test at school, an upcoming vacation, or a Christmas list.  The other kids were not permitted to talk when one of them had the bottle.  Not that that part of the plan always worked, mind you.

Well, I wanted my first blog after my unexpected hiatus to be deep, significant, and thoroughly thought-out.  But ain't nobody got time for dat, so here's my "ketch-up" version.  Don't interrupt.  Read on.

1. I got a new job.  I now work in a pediatricians' office.  I'm still adapting to working full-time after 6 months of unemployment (part of the reason I haven't written lately).  I generally like it quite a bit.  Sometimes my heart aches when newborns come in, but most of the time I enjoy what I do.

2. I'm back on the weight-loss train.  After stalling out after my mom's passing, I'm now exercising five times a week (35-45 minutes of brisk walking during my lunch hour, which for me equals around 2 miles).  When I told my family I was planning on signing up for the Great Race in September, they smiles politely and said nothing.  Which is the response I also got from my husband.  Completely understandable, given my history of (a) hating exercise; (b) having trouble completing tasks, and (c) hating exercise.  But I'm still going to try.  I am starting out with teensy-tiny baby steps so I don't get discouraged.  My blood pressure is going up again - inexplicably - and I know this will help.

3. Ross is still actively looking for a better job.  He had an interview with Duquesne, which was something that we hardly even imagined would happen.  He was one of only three people considered for the position, but he did not get an offer.  I had a harder time than him about it, and had several temper tantrums that were directed at God for being "unfair" and "tricking us".  Yes, even we "mature Christians" struggle to understand how and why God allows certain things to happen that don't seem to make any sense at all.  I've calmed down considerably, but we are still fighting discouragement about his career situation.

4.  We're going to Disney!  I'm not telling when, because then all my Facebook stalkers (pfft, yeah, 'cause there's hundreds of them) will loot my house while we're away...but we have plans, it's paid for, and I'm crazy excited for my first-ever trip to the Magical-est Place on Earth!

5. Loki now plays catch in addition to playing fetch.  If I bought into the theory of reincarnation, I'd say it was 100% evident that kitten was a Golden Retriever in a previous life.  WHOSE CAT DOES THAT?

6. I found a pair of red snakeskin-print stilettos at K-Mart for $3.99.

Now, here's where we take a more serious turn.  Another huge change that took place recently is that Ross and I made the difficult decision to step down as the youth leaders at Berean Fellowship and North Church.  It was a choice that was, unfortunately, a long time coming.  Around the time of our third miscarriage, we began to struggle a little with our obligations.  It became more of a chore than a joy.  Then I lost my job, and even though I had more time to work on youth-related events, it was something I was forcing myself to do.  Ross and I repeatedly heard ourselves saying "no, we have church on Saturday" when our friends or family wanted to make plans.  (Don't get me wrong, Pastors Mark and Steph are NOT slave-drivers!  We could have taken off days here and there when we needed them!  But, for our purposes, things were often last-minute and we couldn't really find a pinch-hitter two days before we were due to teach.  It wasn't fair to the people we'd be asking for help.)  We loved our church (and still do) but were lacking the fellowship of our circle of peers (many of whom we'd met at the now-defunct young adults' group The Bridge).  Ross's sister Lindsey was in town twice (we only see her a few times a year, at best) and both times we were unable to see her.  Then, his dad had a stroke right before Christmas, the healing from which has been complicated by his Parkinson's.  And then, in February, my mother died.  (It still sucks royally to even type those words.)  And I still wasn't finding work.  My unemployment was running out.  Things were really ugly.

Dealing with the pressures of so much loss in such a short period, we weren't treating the kids the way we wanted to - heck, we weren't treating ourselves the way we should have been!  Ross and I went back and forth debating, discussing, and even arguing about what was best for us, for the kids, and the church.  We were concerned that the kids would feel we had abandoned them.  We were concerned that we were giving up simply because the job was tough.  We were concerned that we were letting down our church - and God.  We were concerned that people would fear we were leaving the church (that fear WAS confirmed as several members of the congregation did approach us with concerned whispers, asking if we were heading elsewhere - at least they came to us instead of letting their imaginations run wild; we were grateful for that respect!).  We prayed about it and finally brought it up to Pastor Mark - but God had already given him a hint as to what was in our hearts.  We received nothing but encouragement and understanding from him, which confirmed that we had made the right choice for this season in our lives.  Our goal right now is to focus on our friends and families - to spend time with them.  To help Ross's dad with his antiques business.  To see our nieces' recitals.  To grill ridiculously delicious burgers on my aunt and uncle's patio.  To hop from estate sale to estate sale with Deana as she hustles for eBay treasures.  To see our friends' new babies.  To reconnect with the many relationships God has given us.

We love our church family dearly.  We love serving.  We love being trusted as leaders, even if we don't carry a title anymore.  We love our pastors, who never made us feel like failures - or even that we were giving up at all!  We love the kids we taught, and we're still a part of their lives.  We love talking with them and staying in touch - even if we're maybe not quite as cool as the incoming leaders, Tim and Victoria.  But we're grateful that God's voice is persistent, and he kept telling us what was most important in our lives right now.

We still want children.  Desperately.  We feel that God is using this season to draw us closer to him and the network of loving friends and family we have in order to make that dream a reality.  We have a "plan" in place, but experience has taught us that God loves wrecking our plans because we dream TOO SMALL.  His goals for us are so much bigger than we can wrap our minds around...and sometimes we have to take a step back and be willing to wait for his next step to be revealed.

That's where we are right now.  Waiting with a purpose.  

Yeah, that doesn't make it any easier.  But here we are.  Go ahead, God.  I'm watching for you.

Water and Wine, Part Two

I'm sorry; I guess I fibbed a little about when I was going to be able to post again.  The good news is, the distractions were pleasant ones: two great Easter services at my church and a wonderful family dinner at my grandma's apartment.  But it doesn't need to be a holiday in order to celebrate what Christ did on the cross, so we'll continue exploring Holy Week anyway!

The Cup

Going a little farther [from the disciples], he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him.  “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” - Mark 14:35-36

When He was in the garden with His closest friends, Jesus prayed earnestly to God that the cup of judgment be taken away from Him.  I've heard it preached that Jesus was more concerned about being separated from the Father than from the physical pain of the crucifixion.  This may be so, but let's not allow it to detract from the fact that He knew what was going to happen to His physical body.  If Jesus was fully man, which is of course the crux of our faith - then He surely, surely must have experienced horrible anxiety and fear over His upcoming beatings and death.  How could He not?

I imagine that He must have been deeply conflicted.  He had made the choice to leave Heaven behind Him and live as a man in order to complete the perfect plan of redemption.  The God who created the universe could surely have chosen to rescue mankind another way - yet he did not.  He allowed his innocent Son to be beaten, mocked, attacked, harassed, persecuted, abused, accused, betrayed, rejected, and bullied.  This is still beyond the comprehension of many Christians - and most non-believers.  To be honest, I don't know that God wants us to ever fully understand his decision - because it means that his ways are above ours.  We cannot fathom the idea of sacrificing a beloved child in order to rescue worthless sinners - but that's how God works.

Jesus knew that, of course, but I maintain that it certainly didn't mean that He was looking forward to the physical and emotional mauling He was about to endure.  But I love that He still represented for us the perfect example: even when we are bearing a heavy load and are facing great fear, worry, or terrible circumstances beyond our control, we can trust that God has a perfect plan for us.  It's okay to believe something you cannot see.  He never promised to take away our troubles, but he did promise that we would never be alone in them.

The Cross

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. - Hebrews 12:1-3

This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible.  How can it not be?  I'm mentioned in it!  My salvation was part of the joy set before Jesus on the cross.  When He was suffering there - and I certainly don't think that the word "suffering" can possibly define the misery and agony He endured - He saw through the generations to the people who would come to accept His sacrifice.  He saw that men and women again could freely come to the Lord as his precious children - because they were bought by His blood.  He saw that the curtain in the temple would be torn, allowing access to God.  He saw that millions would believe in His name and that demons would be made powerless, and that thousands would receive the embrace of the  Father.  And although I don't think that such beautiful promises lessened the physical pain of the cross, I believe that He was deeply comforted by the hope they provided.  Yes, what He did would be remembered, and cherished, and revered.  

Therefore, I am humbled and grateful.  I am not perfect in my own right, but I am made spotless through the veil of His blood.  I am a Christian.

A Dream Is A Wish...

I admit, I have been trying not to get sucked into total couch potato-dom during this season of unemployment.  I'm trying to write, to get out of the house, to clean (ha, ha!), to lose some weight (only 1200 calories a day?  Are you KIDDING?) to spend some time with family...
 
...but, you know, things happen.  I ended up watching the entire first season of Once Upon a Time in about three days.  I even had Ross watching with me near the end, after I carefully laid out the plot for him.  (I guess I did an okay job; he followed pretty well.)
 
I have always loved to see fairy tales reworked - I like the idea of exploring the "after happily ever after" as much as I love the  simple joy of the happy endings themselves.  So many of the stories that we hold dear - Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast - are only a few of many, many versions that have been handed down through centuries of retellings, both written and oral.  As a storyteller myself, secretly love the idea that, perhaps, one night, while a particular proto-feminist bard was regaling his listeners with the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, he decides that it wasn't the Huntsman who killed the wolf, but a brave Red herself!  Perhaps a mother telling the story of Cinderella to her children and remembering her own abusive childhood, added the characters of the two wicked stepsisters as a final act of judgment on her own family.  Therefore, I have really enjoyed the modern twist on fairy tales that the ABC series is producing.
 
I was brushing my teeth the other day and I got to thinking about the plot - a young boy is the only believer in an ancient curse that affects his entire town - and it really hit home.  Because he's right.
 
It's all true.
 
Why have these sorts of stories captured our imaginations for hundreds of years?  Why do our hearts break when love seems forever lost?  Why do we rage when the villain - the witch, the demon, the troll - deceives the hero?  Why do our spirits soar when the prince victoriously kills the dragon?

Because the story being told is our story.

We are the helpless, trapped children of the King - all of us.  We have been tricked by the wicked, bloodthirsty enemy who has disguised himself as something utterly harmless.  Our rights and privileges and inheritance have been stolen from us through deceit.  Love and hope are lost to us - but for the King's Son, who has come to save us.  His presence forces the enemy to reveal his true form - and the battle begins.  Blood is spilt, and a price is paid.  Our freedom is won through sacrifice.  We are reinstated as princes and princesses, and our Father the King forgives us for trusting the one who would destroy us. 

All art is inspired, whether by God, man, or the devil.  I truly think that God inspired the threads of these stories as they were woven into and through countless cultures and languages with but one theme: good will win.  The enemy will be found out and destroyed, and the prince will reign triumphant over his beloved kingdom.

Happily ever after.  Forever.

Fables, Frogs and Fearlessness, or: What I've Learned from the Muppets

Jesus used quite a bit of the time He spent teaching by sharing parables with His audience.  A parable is a simple story designed to reflect a much larger, more complex and ultimately, more important, concept.  His sweet little tale about the shepherd who leaves 99 sheep to find the one who strayed is a simplified picture of the love of the Lord, who actively and passionately seeks out the lost and needy, rather than only coddling and catering to the ones who are healthy and safe.

With that in mind, and also the sudden, renewed appreciation for the Muppets (as evidenced by the re-release of merchandise and movies, thanks to the latest Muppet film), I wanted to share with you some great life lessons that I am learning from those furry, floppy, fuzzy, friendly puppet-superstars of stage and screen.

Lesson #1: Your best defense - and your best offense - is TEAMWORK!  In every single Muppet movie, and in many episodes of the show, the Muppets must work together to achieve a common goal or overcome seemingly impossible odds.  Sometimes, one Muppet or another, who thinks he is better off without the group (or that the group is better without him), isolates himself and leaves himself open to danger or, maybe worse, the temptation of self-pity!  The author of Hebrews agrees with this.  In Hebrews 10:24-26 he writes, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching."  How much better are Christians - and Muppets - who work together, enjoy each others' company, and share their talents for the greater good?!

Lesson #2: It's okay to be different.  It's better to stick out in a crowd than to fit in but be heartsick inside.  It took Gonzo the Great years to finally realize this, but maybe he would have found peace sooner if he'd just read John 15:18-20: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.  Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master." If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also."  As Christians, we are called to do things differently, and not to be ashamed when others question us.  Some people may see things as acceptable that we don't.  It's okay to take a stand - no matter what people might think.  Because, inevitably, you'll learn that...

Lesson #3: No matter how weird you are, you will still have genuine, honest-to-goodness friends who love you!  What a bunch of zanies the Muppets are!  They are wacky individuals with their own talents and styles, but they're held together by one small frog who sees the potential in all of them, and who loves them enough to prove it by being there for them!  Paul called both individuals and the young church bodies his "dear friends" in almost all of his letters to them.  Although he was eagerly trying to correct their wrongs and help them become more mature Christians, he didn't write these letters as though lecturing spoiled children; he wrote to lovingly discipline and improve them...just as anyone would want to see a good friend reach his or her full potential.  Paul had friends.  And Paul was a weird one.  Zealous Pharisee one day, born-again Jesus freak the next.  Trust me.  If Paul had friends who loved him, so do you!  And if you can't seem to find any, remember: Jesus is always on your side!

Lesson #4: Integrity is important.  Know what I love most about Kermit?  It's not his wicked banjo-playing abilities or his fashion sense.  It's his committment to integrity.  Although he is never afraid to change his approach to make himself heard (that is a whole lesson in itself!), one thing Kermit always holds on to is his sense of what is right, and what is important.  Thanks, little green dude, for reminding us that, when things get tough, the one thing we can never run away from is our own character.  So we'd better make the most of it!  In Proverbs 10:9, there's a short and sweet way of putting it: "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out."

Lesson #5: Always have a song in your heart.  On occassion, you may need to share it!  The roads of life get bumpy.  Bad things happen.  Sometimes, really bad things.  But if you're always ready with encouragement, you can help ease someone's bad day.  And, the cool thing is, sowing those seeds of kindness has a way of coming back to you.  Some call it karma...but I call it blessing.  There's a simple principle that leads us to believe that, when we plant apple seeds, we get apple trees.  Orange seeds give us orange trees.  When we plant kindness and encouragement, we do reap it.  It doesn't always show up when we think it should, but I truly believe that it all comes back to us.  Besides, life is just more fun with a soundtrack - even if only you can hear it!