Your parents' divorce is one of the best things that could possibly happen to you.
Of course, it doesn't seem that way right now. You're hurting and you feel betrayed by your dad. Your mom is struggling to raise you and your sister alone. The three of you never seem to get along. It's awful.
But your new step-mother is not a wicked one. You will both grow together - she as a more confident mother and you as a more mature daughter. She will never try to replace your mom, and that is exactly how she will succeed at being one.
The little girl who "stole" your Daddy from you will grow into your best friend and confidante. She will amaze you with wisdom that should be coming from a person much more experienced than she.
You will be deeply hurt when your biological mother and sister cannot attend your wedding, but these women will stand in their places - not as substitutes, but as shining examples of love that binds where blood does not.
And yes - that means you will find the love of your life. You will marry the man who loves you for who you are, who loves you because you are strong and you are a Christian and you are curvy and you like pickles and you can quote "Star Wars". He is out there, and he is fumbling along, the same as you, asking God where you are and making tons of mistakes in the meantime.
Just like you.
Do you remember completing that survey in kindergarten? The one that asked the question: What do you want to be when you grow up? You answered: a mommy. You changed your mind when your parents were divorced because you never wanted to put a child through the hell that you went through. You will your mind again in college when you begin working with the little ones at church - which will be more fulfilling that you can imagine.
But the road to motherhood will be very difficult for you. Your first pregnancy will be a surprise and, even though you will be happily married at the time, you will fight feelings of shock and guilt, because you didn't feel you were ready. When you lose the baby three months later, you will fight those same feelings, magnified a hundred times. The good news is, you will have much support from your family and friends, particularly the women at church, because many of them have endured the same heartache.
You will find strength in your own words. God will keep you fighting, and your words will be your weapon. More than it ever has been, your writing will be your lifeline. Expressing yourself will be the key to unlocking your own feelings and it will help you sort through your troubles. It will also bless others who are traveling on the same road as you.
You will go on to lose two more children. The second loss will be the hardest, because this child will be the only one whose heartbeat you actually get to see, a mere week before another ultrasound fails to find life in your womb.
You will be pressed hard, but you will not be crushed. You will come close to giving up, but you will hold on to hope as your friends surround you, pray for you, encourage you and believe in you.
Your relationship with God will fluctuate, just as it does with your earthly companions. Some days, you will feel distant from him, wondering why he is allowing you to walk this path. Others, you will feel wrapped in his love and want to share it with boldness.
Your relationship with your mother will be similar. You will learn, much later in life, that you share many of the traits that you found irritating in her, but you will also learn that, in some ways, you are stronger than she is.
Was.
She will die unexpectedly, painfully, and you will find in yourself a silent strength that will carry you through the first few weeks, but you will begin to fall apart in the months that follow. You will need to reach out to others because you will feel even more alone that you did during your miscarriages. You will realize that your mother will not be alive when you finally do have your first child. She will not bake you another birthday cake, or send you another silly letter with colored pencil doodles in it, or share another story about her many adopted pets.
You will be there when she dies. You will be the last family member she makes eye contact with, and that fact alone will sustain you in many dark hours. She saw you. She knew you came to her. And she was deeply sorry.
About everything.
Not long after, you will have that little baby you prayed for. The pregnancy will be fraught with challenges, which will be no surprise to you, but you will eventually hold a precious son in your arms and you will call him your joy and your promise.
Your church family will continue to grow in importance. You will develop deeper relationships with some of the women than you ever had with your biological sister - who will, sadly, grow far apart from the family - and you will treasure them.
You will have days which will scare you. Days which will make you think you inherited your mother's anxiety. Days which will make you think you are not cut out to be a mother, or a wife, or a friend. You will have days that make you feel like a champion. Days that make you believe you can do anything.
You will run a 5K, despite your lifelong challenges with asthma.
You will lose 20 pounds, despite your lifelong struggles with your weight.
You will have beloved pets of your own, despite your diagnosis of allergies.
You will be disappointed, despite your best plans.
You will be surprised, despite your worst fears.
You will keep going when everything in you cries out to lay down and die.
You will doubt yourself and hate yourself and love yourself and respect yourself.
You will live a lifetime and a half in the next sixteen years, and then you will gaze into the past with pity and envy and admiration for your sixteen-year-old self.
The last thing you will say before returning, in your mind, to the present, is:
It gets worse, but then it gets so much better. It's always too soon to give up.
Showing posts with label beauty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beauty. Show all posts
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
Surprises
As I continue to adjust to my role as a mom, I have to admit, there were a few surprises that no one prepared me for - even the wisest and most experienced mamas I know. Some turned out to be pleasant and others, well...you'll see.
1. My skin grew up. In a good way. I suffered for a very long time with acne. I mean - we're talking over twenty years of my life, trying Noxema and Clearasil and Pro-Activ and three different medications from the dermatologist and countless other treatments, and virtually nothing worked long-term. The closest I came was with the oil-cleansing method, but even that wasn't fool-proof. My skin was pretty clear during my pregnancy, which I knew isn't usually the case. So I buckled down and prepared for the worst when the hormones shifted after the baby came. Nothing changed. I am insanely grateful, and now leave the house without make-up more frequently. Of course, people still seem to think I'm "sick" or "tired" without it, but that's life.
2. Never change a diaper immediately after a poop. This one probably is SUCH a no-brainer to most moms that they don't even think of it as useful advice. I figured it out on my own, and we won't get into any details, but I have a 60-second rule now with changing a diaper full of number two.
3. Formula is freeing. This one doesn't apply to everyone, but it did for me. After several weeks of attempted nursing, and lots of emotional trauma, we finally elected to exclusively formula-feed our little guy. In spite of the heated mommy wars surrounding this topic, we've found that it works best for our family. In my case, nursing was such a painful and frustrating experience that I grew to dread it. Heaven forbid I should be in public when the baby got hungry. I felt forced to make a hasty retreat home, red-faced and shameful. I didn't want to feed in public because it made me uncomfortable - not to mention, after seven weeks, baby still couldn't get the swing of things. For us, formula has allowed the rest of the family to participate more in caring for the baby, as well as given us more mobility.
4. It's okay NOT to worry. Wanting a (cheap) date night, my husband and I planned to see Guardians of the Galaxy at a local cinema's $5 night right up the road from my parents' house. We left the baby and a bag full of supplies with them and I am not joking when I say that not an ounce of worry entered my mind. I knew my parents were going to shower him with love, and my step-mom's extensive experience with children and babies certainly was a comfort, too. I felt guilty only because I thought I was supposed to wail and cry and mourn about my first time away from my newborn. Nope. See #3 above.
5. Babies are noisy. I'm not talking about the crying. I mean, I had no idea that this dude was going to grunt like a billy goat and sigh and sniffle and growl and shriek and hiss. The first few times these sounds erupted forth from my tiny infant, I just stood there with my head cocked to the side, assuming that one of the cats had snuck into the room and was making terrifying bleating noises. But no - cats don't typically do that, either. On the plus side: he's cooing now and it is the best sound in the whole world since the beginning of time.
6. Nothing can prepare you for the NICU experience. Especially if you've gotten this far after dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss, you might think you're invincible. The worst has already happened and no matter what, things will be okay once the baby is delivered. Not true. Even though our little boy was only in for nine days, and received wonderful care, those days were some of the hardest and most miserable we've ever experienced. Not only was I in emotional and physical pain from an emergency c-section, but every time we visited the baby, the updates changed - not always for the better. My heart will always go out to parents whose babies are in the NICU, no matter what the circumstance.
7. The first time someone questions a decision you've made, your heart will break. And your world will dim for a moment, and you'll panic and you'll stumble and you'll wonder if you're a terrible parent and you'll re-evaluate every single plan of action you'd considered. But then, chances are, you'll realize that you're doing the best you can in your situation, for your family. And you'll learn to handle people sneering because you're not breastfeeding...or sneering because you are breastfeeding. And, when your baby smiles at you, the haughty look you got from that random old lady at Sheetz after a misguided and awkward conversation about homeschooling...well, that doesn't matter at all. Not. At. All.
Any other first-time moms get some unexpected surprises - pleasant or otherwise? - when baby was born?
1. My skin grew up. In a good way. I suffered for a very long time with acne. I mean - we're talking over twenty years of my life, trying Noxema and Clearasil and Pro-Activ and three different medications from the dermatologist and countless other treatments, and virtually nothing worked long-term. The closest I came was with the oil-cleansing method, but even that wasn't fool-proof. My skin was pretty clear during my pregnancy, which I knew isn't usually the case. So I buckled down and prepared for the worst when the hormones shifted after the baby came. Nothing changed. I am insanely grateful, and now leave the house without make-up more frequently. Of course, people still seem to think I'm "sick" or "tired" without it, but that's life.
2. Never change a diaper immediately after a poop. This one probably is SUCH a no-brainer to most moms that they don't even think of it as useful advice. I figured it out on my own, and we won't get into any details, but I have a 60-second rule now with changing a diaper full of number two.
3. Formula is freeing. This one doesn't apply to everyone, but it did for me. After several weeks of attempted nursing, and lots of emotional trauma, we finally elected to exclusively formula-feed our little guy. In spite of the heated mommy wars surrounding this topic, we've found that it works best for our family. In my case, nursing was such a painful and frustrating experience that I grew to dread it. Heaven forbid I should be in public when the baby got hungry. I felt forced to make a hasty retreat home, red-faced and shameful. I didn't want to feed in public because it made me uncomfortable - not to mention, after seven weeks, baby still couldn't get the swing of things. For us, formula has allowed the rest of the family to participate more in caring for the baby, as well as given us more mobility.
4. It's okay NOT to worry. Wanting a (cheap) date night, my husband and I planned to see Guardians of the Galaxy at a local cinema's $5 night right up the road from my parents' house. We left the baby and a bag full of supplies with them and I am not joking when I say that not an ounce of worry entered my mind. I knew my parents were going to shower him with love, and my step-mom's extensive experience with children and babies certainly was a comfort, too. I felt guilty only because I thought I was supposed to wail and cry and mourn about my first time away from my newborn. Nope. See #3 above.
5. Babies are noisy. I'm not talking about the crying. I mean, I had no idea that this dude was going to grunt like a billy goat and sigh and sniffle and growl and shriek and hiss. The first few times these sounds erupted forth from my tiny infant, I just stood there with my head cocked to the side, assuming that one of the cats had snuck into the room and was making terrifying bleating noises. But no - cats don't typically do that, either. On the plus side: he's cooing now and it is the best sound in the whole world since the beginning of time.
6. Nothing can prepare you for the NICU experience. Especially if you've gotten this far after dealing with infertility or pregnancy loss, you might think you're invincible. The worst has already happened and no matter what, things will be okay once the baby is delivered. Not true. Even though our little boy was only in for nine days, and received wonderful care, those days were some of the hardest and most miserable we've ever experienced. Not only was I in emotional and physical pain from an emergency c-section, but every time we visited the baby, the updates changed - not always for the better. My heart will always go out to parents whose babies are in the NICU, no matter what the circumstance.
7. The first time someone questions a decision you've made, your heart will break. And your world will dim for a moment, and you'll panic and you'll stumble and you'll wonder if you're a terrible parent and you'll re-evaluate every single plan of action you'd considered. But then, chances are, you'll realize that you're doing the best you can in your situation, for your family. And you'll learn to handle people sneering because you're not breastfeeding...or sneering because you are breastfeeding. And, when your baby smiles at you, the haughty look you got from that random old lady at Sheetz after a misguided and awkward conversation about homeschooling...well, that doesn't matter at all. Not. At. All.
Any other first-time moms get some unexpected surprises - pleasant or otherwise? - when baby was born?
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Pregnant and Pretty, Part Two
Shop your closet!
That should be the #1 tip from pregnancy and newborn magazines. Instead of blasting us with images of "must-have" $60 sundresses and $45 skinny jeans, we should be advised that plenty of non-maternity duds can last us for at least two trimesters - sometimes all three.
Case in point: leggings! I stocked up last fall and winter, and non-maternity styles still fit me, nearly seven months along. My favorite brand, at about $6 a pop, is George, carried by Wal*Mart. I have at least four pairs: in black, gray, eggplant and chocolate. Some are footed versions, some are not; they're all totally opaque. (If you're wrinkling your nose because I shop at such a big-box store, just remember - we are doing pregnancy on the cheap! If you prefer organic cotton, sourced and made in the USA, that's awesome! Go for it! But that means my ideas probably won't inspire you very much!)
Those leggings don't get worn with tiny tops, of course. I have discovered that most of my swingy, flashy, Empire-waisted tunic tops (purchased mostly at Ross Dress for Less, usually for $13 or under) make fabulous maternity dresses. In fact, Five Below has sundresses for $5 that seem to be nursing-friendly. They're cheaply made and probably won't last long, but are great for around-the-house wear. I'm planning on getting a few more. They're kind of like really cute, knee-length muumuus. I also like to add waterfall sweaters (very thin ones, since I've tended to feel warm most of the time during my pregnancy), with or without stretch belts. In the fall and winter, I paired them with the leggings and boots.
Which brings me to the topic of shoes. Ladies, trust me: I am all about the shoe. I have wedges, ballet flats, heels, flip-flops, gladiator sandals, knee-high boots, ankle boots, stilettos, and some rather saucy footwear that probably should not be worn in public. I love shoes. Love them! I have been very loath to stick to "sensible" styles during my pregnancy. Flats might be comfy but they aren't always very flattering on me. But I have learned that your center of gravity really does change the further your pregnancy progresses, and shoes with a very high or thin heel simply aren't safe. They should be restricted to special events only - and bring a pair of flats with you, just in case. For my part, I compromised. I found a pair of $25 Crocs (yes, I know, CROCS) at the outlet store. They're black wedges which are both very comfortable and very flattering. They've got a sturdy, rubberized 3 1/2 heel that gives me height and confidence, but they feel almost like sneakers. They've become my everyday work shoes, since my office manager allows me to forego the (unreasonably expensive) maternity scrubs and wear business casual clothes for the time being. In addition, if you'll be heavily pregnant in the summer, stick to slip-on styles for your sandals. Or count on your partner to buckle your gladiators for you every time, because chances are you won't be able to reach them yourself!
Another money-saver is the maxi-dress. Most styles come in forgiving or stretchy materials, and can be easily dressed up or dressed down. If you're a shorty like me, most maxi styles are too long for you anyway, but the addition of the bump makes them the perfect length! (After the bump disappears, you can employ your super-cute lace-up espadrille wedges again.) Again, I found several styles at stores like Ross Dress for Less, TJMaxx, Marshalls, and Burlington. I'm fairly certain that I didn't spend more than $25 on any of them, and most were $15 and under.
Let's talk about intimate apparel. Without delving into too many details, your best bet is to stick with simple cotton panties and to purchase one or two new bras as your bustline changes during pregnancy. I never thought I would be singing the praises of a non-underwire style, but I actually love the Genie Bra (again, I found it at Wal*Mart for around $15, which is $5 less than the advertised price everywhere else). It's supportive and comfortable, even for a larger bust. I'll probably be using it when I breastfeed too, since it stretches to accommodate various sizes. I'll probably buy several more if it works out, because the idea of dropping loads of cash on a nursing bra makes me queasy. After all, you're supposed to buy at least three, they say: one to wear, one to wash, one to have ready to go. That could easily be upwards of $100. Most specialty shops, though, do have reasonable prices. Motherhood Maternity, for one, surprised me with a variety of very comfortable-looking bras priced around $20 to $25 each. I don't find that unreasonable, but I haven't tried any on yet.
In fact, I haven't set foot in a specialty shop during this pregnancy.
I'm fortunate, in a way, to be among the last in my circle of gal-pals to have a baby. That means that I have gotten about three garbage bags full of maternity clothes. mostly from my friend Jaime. (I'm also lucky she's kind of a fashionista, because these clothes are cute!) That being said, don't shun anything that's offered to you, even if it doesn't seem to be your style - or size. Jaime and I have dramatically different builds, but most of the clothes she gave me fit anyway. If nothing else, pick out a few things you like and hold on to the rest. Chances are, that generous Mama will eventually want them back to get her through another pregnancy. By that time, you might be able to throw in a few of your own maternity-friendly clothes, and then the whole process can start over again!
My final word of advice for this post is simple: eBay! You can find such amazing deals online and in thrift and consignment shops! If you're buying online and you're worried about the fit, make sure to purchase from a seller who accepts returns. A lot do not, and it's eBay's policy to allow that, so read carefully before you bid. I picked up a very cute white sundress with thick black straps that retailed at Motherhood Maternity for about $50. Since the seller was not charging for shipping and I was the only bidder, I ended up paying around $13. I'll be wearing this dress all summer! I also found two office-friendly dresses (one of which is also appropriate for nursing), and they each sold in stores for probably about $30. I think I paid about $9 each, as shipping was free for those, too. All of them fit just fine, even though I couldn't try anything on.
Next week, if I can convince my husband to play the fashion photographer, I'll be posting some pictures of outfits I've put together!
That should be the #1 tip from pregnancy and newborn magazines. Instead of blasting us with images of "must-have" $60 sundresses and $45 skinny jeans, we should be advised that plenty of non-maternity duds can last us for at least two trimesters - sometimes all three.
Case in point: leggings! I stocked up last fall and winter, and non-maternity styles still fit me, nearly seven months along. My favorite brand, at about $6 a pop, is George, carried by Wal*Mart. I have at least four pairs: in black, gray, eggplant and chocolate. Some are footed versions, some are not; they're all totally opaque. (If you're wrinkling your nose because I shop at such a big-box store, just remember - we are doing pregnancy on the cheap! If you prefer organic cotton, sourced and made in the USA, that's awesome! Go for it! But that means my ideas probably won't inspire you very much!)
Those leggings don't get worn with tiny tops, of course. I have discovered that most of my swingy, flashy, Empire-waisted tunic tops (purchased mostly at Ross Dress for Less, usually for $13 or under) make fabulous maternity dresses. In fact, Five Below has sundresses for $5 that seem to be nursing-friendly. They're cheaply made and probably won't last long, but are great for around-the-house wear. I'm planning on getting a few more. They're kind of like really cute, knee-length muumuus. I also like to add waterfall sweaters (very thin ones, since I've tended to feel warm most of the time during my pregnancy), with or without stretch belts. In the fall and winter, I paired them with the leggings and boots.
Which brings me to the topic of shoes. Ladies, trust me: I am all about the shoe. I have wedges, ballet flats, heels, flip-flops, gladiator sandals, knee-high boots, ankle boots, stilettos, and some rather saucy footwear that probably should not be worn in public. I love shoes. Love them! I have been very loath to stick to "sensible" styles during my pregnancy. Flats might be comfy but they aren't always very flattering on me. But I have learned that your center of gravity really does change the further your pregnancy progresses, and shoes with a very high or thin heel simply aren't safe. They should be restricted to special events only - and bring a pair of flats with you, just in case. For my part, I compromised. I found a pair of $25 Crocs (yes, I know, CROCS) at the outlet store. They're black wedges which are both very comfortable and very flattering. They've got a sturdy, rubberized 3 1/2 heel that gives me height and confidence, but they feel almost like sneakers. They've become my everyday work shoes, since my office manager allows me to forego the (unreasonably expensive) maternity scrubs and wear business casual clothes for the time being. In addition, if you'll be heavily pregnant in the summer, stick to slip-on styles for your sandals. Or count on your partner to buckle your gladiators for you every time, because chances are you won't be able to reach them yourself!
Another money-saver is the maxi-dress. Most styles come in forgiving or stretchy materials, and can be easily dressed up or dressed down. If you're a shorty like me, most maxi styles are too long for you anyway, but the addition of the bump makes them the perfect length! (After the bump disappears, you can employ your super-cute lace-up espadrille wedges again.) Again, I found several styles at stores like Ross Dress for Less, TJMaxx, Marshalls, and Burlington. I'm fairly certain that I didn't spend more than $25 on any of them, and most were $15 and under.
Let's talk about intimate apparel. Without delving into too many details, your best bet is to stick with simple cotton panties and to purchase one or two new bras as your bustline changes during pregnancy. I never thought I would be singing the praises of a non-underwire style, but I actually love the Genie Bra (again, I found it at Wal*Mart for around $15, which is $5 less than the advertised price everywhere else). It's supportive and comfortable, even for a larger bust. I'll probably be using it when I breastfeed too, since it stretches to accommodate various sizes. I'll probably buy several more if it works out, because the idea of dropping loads of cash on a nursing bra makes me queasy. After all, you're supposed to buy at least three, they say: one to wear, one to wash, one to have ready to go. That could easily be upwards of $100. Most specialty shops, though, do have reasonable prices. Motherhood Maternity, for one, surprised me with a variety of very comfortable-looking bras priced around $20 to $25 each. I don't find that unreasonable, but I haven't tried any on yet.
In fact, I haven't set foot in a specialty shop during this pregnancy.
I'm fortunate, in a way, to be among the last in my circle of gal-pals to have a baby. That means that I have gotten about three garbage bags full of maternity clothes. mostly from my friend Jaime. (I'm also lucky she's kind of a fashionista, because these clothes are cute!) That being said, don't shun anything that's offered to you, even if it doesn't seem to be your style - or size. Jaime and I have dramatically different builds, but most of the clothes she gave me fit anyway. If nothing else, pick out a few things you like and hold on to the rest. Chances are, that generous Mama will eventually want them back to get her through another pregnancy. By that time, you might be able to throw in a few of your own maternity-friendly clothes, and then the whole process can start over again!
My final word of advice for this post is simple: eBay! You can find such amazing deals online and in thrift and consignment shops! If you're buying online and you're worried about the fit, make sure to purchase from a seller who accepts returns. A lot do not, and it's eBay's policy to allow that, so read carefully before you bid. I picked up a very cute white sundress with thick black straps that retailed at Motherhood Maternity for about $50. Since the seller was not charging for shipping and I was the only bidder, I ended up paying around $13. I'll be wearing this dress all summer! I also found two office-friendly dresses (one of which is also appropriate for nursing), and they each sold in stores for probably about $30. I think I paid about $9 each, as shipping was free for those, too. All of them fit just fine, even though I couldn't try anything on.
Next week, if I can convince my husband to play the fashion photographer, I'll be posting some pictures of outfits I've put together!
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Pregnant and Pretty, Part One
I'm sure I am in the majority of pregnant women who prefer nothing more than wearing stretchy yoga pants, soft, comfy T-shirts, and pulling their hair up into messy buns. Wait a minute...isn't that most women, pregnant or not?
Yup - it's one of those strange facts about being female. Although we want to be as comfy as dudes in their well-worn jeans and 80s T-shirts, we make different choices for the sake of fashion. Frequently, we love to wear gloriously gorgeous shoes that are impractically high, stunning dresses that force us to reposition our boobs every five minutes or so, and pants that require us to perform an awkward calisthenics routine just to get into them. We like to feel pretty, and often the route to feeling pretty is a painful one. I'm not being sexist here; I'm just speaking from personal experience and, if I may humbly say, I'm acting as the voice of many, not all, of my female friends. We often suffer needlessly for the sake of beauty, and frequently, people never notice our efforts anyway! (Unless things go horribly wrong and we trip over our mile-high stilettos like baby deer learning how to walk...)
At least, in the past few years, women's fashion has generally seemed to take a turn for "cute and comfy" over "pretty and painful". I'm talking about boat shoes, thick-calf-friendly boots, surprisingly forgiving skinny jeans, knee-skimming shorts (hallelujah!), and the return of the cropped cardigan (great for modest chickies and/or fashionably frozen girls who insist on wearing sundresses when it's still 50 degrees outside).
The desire to feel pretty certainly doesn't go away when pregnancy comes along. In fact, maybe it's even stronger! With the frequently ugly symptoms that come along with the efforts of growing a tiny human, it's only natural for a woman to want to feel both attractive and comfortable in her own skin - and her own clothes. With that in mind, and with my own recent experience, I thought it might be fun to put together my own little fashion show for any girls out there who might be ripping through their closets in a panic, fearing what the next nine months might bring.
First, a little bit about me, if you didn't already know: even before I got pregnant, I was always a hard-to-fit size. I'm five feet tall and quite curvy. I'd lost a good deal of weight last year and was about a size four or six (small/medium) or so in ladies' clothing, maybe a seven or nine (medium/large) in juniors. I won't share my measurements but, to be delicate, my bustline makes it very tough to buy properly-fitting button-down shirts, so there are very few in my wardrobe. I joke that I easily have a supermodel's measurements; it's just too bad I don't have a supermodel's height!
I'm happy to report that many of my pre-pregnancy clothes have carried over well and I'm hoping they'll still work postpartum, too. I like bright colors but am always comfortable in basic black with fun accessories. Also: I'm extremely cheap. Unlike my husband, who would rather invest $80 in a pair of well-crafted shoes that will get him through several years, I'm more likely to drop $15 on a pair of colorful flats that might wear out in a season or two, just because they're fun. This is both a blessing and a curse, as female fashion is fickle. Sometimes it's not worth investing in "quality" merchandise because trends change so quickly. Then again, sometimes those cheap shoes are so darn uncomfortable that I only wear them a few times anyway. With that in mind, I'm noting the pros and cons, as well as the approximate prices, of the items I'm featuring in my multi-part little fashion show, so you can decide for yourselves what's worth it and what's not!
Before I even talk about the clothes, I wanted to mention a few other options we preggos now have. Unlike lots of other women, I never used a BellaBand or anything like it. If you don't know, these stretchy little numbers are meant to be worn snugly around your waist and hold up your unbuttoned jeans when you're still too small for regular maternity pants. Since I have practically no waistline, and also because I bloated up pretty fast, I did not find these items useful or comfortable. My jeans didn't fit at all past about the eighth week or so, so I didn't wear them. Still, they are an investment to consider, especially during a first pregnancy when you might take quite some time to show, or if you have a very different body type than mine!
Another helpful accessory, near the end of your pregnancy, is a maternity belt. They come in loads of sizes and styles, and help support your growing belly while relieving back strain. You might consider purchasing a gently used one, as they can be quite expensive.
Some other things that benefitted me have been accessories! Yes, the joy of the one-size-really-does-fit all scarf, the earrings that never get too tight, and the "I've-been-wearing-these-since-college" bangle bracelets! Since I like bold prints and funky jewelry, I've scoured discount stores for fun necklace sets, whimsical infinity scarves and even belly-friendly stretch belts. These items are great for making statements and dressing up the inevitable boring but comfy maternity dress you can't live without, and the best part is that they'll stick with you well after the baby comes. (Additional bonus: those flashy green and purple beaded earrings will be fascinating and stimulating for your little guy or girl during feedings!)
Another area in which I've been enjoying experimenting is with cosmetics. Now, since most women find that their skin changes during pregnancy, I'm not advocating a total overhaul of your cleansing and beauty routine. I'm one of the fortunate ones who has enjoyed (for the first time in 22 years) acne-free skin. That's not to say I haven't had any problems; my skin is definitely less smooth now, and I've seen a few dark spots that are "supposed" to clear up after I deliver. What's been fun is trying the new, super-vivid colors that are out now: bright corals, vampy reds, poppy oranges and bubble-gum pinks. I love the new color balms that most companies have released lately. They've got the coverage of lipsticks, but they apply and feel like glosses. My favorites come from Jordana and Rimmel (surprise; they're also among the least expensive drug-store brands; Jordana is available at K-Mart and Walgreens and Rimmel is available nearly everywhere). Bright colors, if you're comfortable with them, are a good way to draw attention from your belly to your face. If you want to, that is! Maybe you want your bump to play a starring role? I'll address that in part two of this series!
| Fun...but not functional (or safe) for a lady in her third trimester! These can wait until after baby. Image from fabsugar.com. |
At least, in the past few years, women's fashion has generally seemed to take a turn for "cute and comfy" over "pretty and painful". I'm talking about boat shoes, thick-calf-friendly boots, surprisingly forgiving skinny jeans, knee-skimming shorts (hallelujah!), and the return of the cropped cardigan (great for modest chickies and/or fashionably frozen girls who insist on wearing sundresses when it's still 50 degrees outside).
The desire to feel pretty certainly doesn't go away when pregnancy comes along. In fact, maybe it's even stronger! With the frequently ugly symptoms that come along with the efforts of growing a tiny human, it's only natural for a woman to want to feel both attractive and comfortable in her own skin - and her own clothes. With that in mind, and with my own recent experience, I thought it might be fun to put together my own little fashion show for any girls out there who might be ripping through their closets in a panic, fearing what the next nine months might bring.
First, a little bit about me, if you didn't already know: even before I got pregnant, I was always a hard-to-fit size. I'm five feet tall and quite curvy. I'd lost a good deal of weight last year and was about a size four or six (small/medium) or so in ladies' clothing, maybe a seven or nine (medium/large) in juniors. I won't share my measurements but, to be delicate, my bustline makes it very tough to buy properly-fitting button-down shirts, so there are very few in my wardrobe. I joke that I easily have a supermodel's measurements; it's just too bad I don't have a supermodel's height!
I'm happy to report that many of my pre-pregnancy clothes have carried over well and I'm hoping they'll still work postpartum, too. I like bright colors but am always comfortable in basic black with fun accessories. Also: I'm extremely cheap. Unlike my husband, who would rather invest $80 in a pair of well-crafted shoes that will get him through several years, I'm more likely to drop $15 on a pair of colorful flats that might wear out in a season or two, just because they're fun. This is both a blessing and a curse, as female fashion is fickle. Sometimes it's not worth investing in "quality" merchandise because trends change so quickly. Then again, sometimes those cheap shoes are so darn uncomfortable that I only wear them a few times anyway. With that in mind, I'm noting the pros and cons, as well as the approximate prices, of the items I'm featuring in my multi-part little fashion show, so you can decide for yourselves what's worth it and what's not!
Before I even talk about the clothes, I wanted to mention a few other options we preggos now have. Unlike lots of other women, I never used a BellaBand or anything like it. If you don't know, these stretchy little numbers are meant to be worn snugly around your waist and hold up your unbuttoned jeans when you're still too small for regular maternity pants. Since I have practically no waistline, and also because I bloated up pretty fast, I did not find these items useful or comfortable. My jeans didn't fit at all past about the eighth week or so, so I didn't wear them. Still, they are an investment to consider, especially during a first pregnancy when you might take quite some time to show, or if you have a very different body type than mine!
Another helpful accessory, near the end of your pregnancy, is a maternity belt. They come in loads of sizes and styles, and help support your growing belly while relieving back strain. You might consider purchasing a gently used one, as they can be quite expensive.
Some other things that benefitted me have been accessories! Yes, the joy of the one-size-really-does-fit all scarf, the earrings that never get too tight, and the "I've-been-wearing-these-since-college" bangle bracelets! Since I like bold prints and funky jewelry, I've scoured discount stores for fun necklace sets, whimsical infinity scarves and even belly-friendly stretch belts. These items are great for making statements and dressing up the inevitable boring but comfy maternity dress you can't live without, and the best part is that they'll stick with you well after the baby comes. (Additional bonus: those flashy green and purple beaded earrings will be fascinating and stimulating for your little guy or girl during feedings!)
 |
| Image from jordanacosmetics.com |
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Fighting Fire with Fire. Kind Of.
No, this isn't a deep, spiritual post. It's not about the fires of Hell or Holy Spirit fire.
It's actually about oily skin and how I happened upon a freakish but wholly natural solution.
Yup.
Now, I am NOT a crunchy lady. If you don't know what the vaguely derisive term "crunchy" means, well...basically, it means that you're deeply into organic, holistic, and otherwise "clean" living. For me, the word conjures up images of young mothers with unwashed hair and babies strapped to their organic cotton maxi-dress-clad bodies, while they guzzle sour-sweet kombucha tea and contemplate the evils of canned chef Boy-Ar-Dee with their other crunchy friends.
Granted, this is a pretty narrow-minded view, and I'm aware of that (I'm sure that similarly narrow-minded images appear in others' minds when I say "I am a Christian"). I have friends who are "crunchy" and "semi-crunchy", and I actually have a blog in the works about what I am learning from certain aspects of "going green", but that's for another time. This blog is about how my complexion has literally been transformed by an organic "recipe", and how I am deeply grateful for it.
I came across the blog of self-styled "Crunchy Betty" when my husband and I were looking for a solution to our clogged drain. We found one (baking soda and white vinegar), but instead of closing the browser window, I started to poke around a little more. Betty had lots of interesting views about organic living, some clever recipes for making your own earth-friendly cosmetics, that sort of thing. She also suggested using homemade kitty litter, but I think I'll leave that to her. Say it with me: "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat."
What really intrigued me was the segment on the site about the oil-cleansing method. At first, I assumed it was some sort of insane fad diet that involved consuming pure, organic, coconut oil with every meal in order to blow any toxins out of your body, but it turns out, it's actually a skincare method.
And it works. Oh, boy, does it work.
You can click on the above link and read the details yourself, but I'll offer my shocked and awed testimony here. Having had acne since I was, oh, about eleven, I've tried almost everything you can think of to clear up my skin. Big-name commercial products, store brands, exclusive mail-order brands and yes, prescription medication from a dermatologist. Nothing really worked. I mean, not on a grand scale. Everything worked for a little while, maybe clearing up a few individual blemishes, but nothing kept my skin clear - especially when my hormones raged during my cycle changes and my skin broke out with a vengeance. Plus, the prescription medication was dangerous for pregnant women, and, to my knowledge, using it before I knew I was expecting may have even contributed to my first miscarriage. I will never know, but you can bet I will never use it again.
31 and still dotting Clearasil in my pimples, I figured that trying this new method couldn't really make things worse. The science behind using oil to clean your face is similar to the idea of "like driving out like" or "fighting fire with fire". I don't really understand how it works, but it's opening the door for me to be at least a little more open to the idea of "naturally" curing some of the ills we humans face daily. I'm not throwing my ibuprofen out the door, but I'm definitely interested in reading more about how hibiscus tea might help my high blood pressure, or how dark chocolate is full of wrinkle-fighting antioxidants (yes, please - more articles like that).
Apparently, different types of oil should be used, depending on the type of skin you have. As a person with oily/acne-prone skin, it's suggested that I use a combination of a carrier oil (castor oil) and jojoba and grapeseed oils. Organic, of course, and a little expensive (actually, the castor oil I used was NOT organic and I still enjoy great results). I also use the suggested astringent of witch hazel mixed with dried thyme. I initially balked at both the idea of cleaning my oily skin with oil, and also paying $7 or more for a small bottle of oil.
Once I got started though, I realized that it was worthwhile for two reasons. First, it worked. I've been washing my face this way since about mid-February and, other than the few times when I returned to using a commercial cleanser (out of laziness), I have discovered that my skin is smoother and I have very few new blemishes - one or two a month, I'd say, maximum. Plus, they never get as big or painful as they did before, and they disappear much faster. Second, the oil and witch hazel bottles have lasted me until now. The initial investment seemed steep - about $25 for all the oils, and maybe $9 for the thyme and witch hazel. But they've lasted 6 months now, and the astringent still has at least 2 more months remaining. That actually averages out to considerably less than I was previously paying to try one or two new products every month.
So - I save money and I have clearer, happier skin. The extra bonus - which, for others, might be the primary reason for this technique - is that it's earth-friendly. I admit, it's kind of nice to know that the stuff that it helping me regain confidence and healthy skin is not full of chemicals and fake fragrances and stuff. That's pretty cool.
Anyway, no - I'm not turning "crunchy". Not really. But I didn't think it fair to keep this to myself because it's been so successful. I should also note that I am receiving absolutely no endorsement of any kind for this blog. I'm not into that stuff. I promote what I believe in, whether it's my faith or the talents of my friends, or a recipe, website, or idea I admire. Rest assured that my posts always come from my own experience and I am not into being paid for promoting someone else's agenda. Maybe this is why I'm not a professional writer yet? That's a post for later, too. At any rate, if you've been struggling with troubled skin, it's something to consider. Cool thing is, it's not a "girly" product in a neon pink tube or anything like that, and I would guess it would work equally well for men.
Plus, the grapeseed oil smells like nature at its warm, toasty, nutty manliest. Ooh.
It's actually about oily skin and how I happened upon a freakish but wholly natural solution.
Yup.
 |
| Image courtesy of healthbeautyspot.com |
Granted, this is a pretty narrow-minded view, and I'm aware of that (I'm sure that similarly narrow-minded images appear in others' minds when I say "I am a Christian"). I have friends who are "crunchy" and "semi-crunchy", and I actually have a blog in the works about what I am learning from certain aspects of "going green", but that's for another time. This blog is about how my complexion has literally been transformed by an organic "recipe", and how I am deeply grateful for it.
I came across the blog of self-styled "Crunchy Betty" when my husband and I were looking for a solution to our clogged drain. We found one (baking soda and white vinegar), but instead of closing the browser window, I started to poke around a little more. Betty had lots of interesting views about organic living, some clever recipes for making your own earth-friendly cosmetics, that sort of thing. She also suggested using homemade kitty litter, but I think I'll leave that to her. Say it with me: "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat."
What really intrigued me was the segment on the site about the oil-cleansing method. At first, I assumed it was some sort of insane fad diet that involved consuming pure, organic, coconut oil with every meal in order to blow any toxins out of your body, but it turns out, it's actually a skincare method.
And it works. Oh, boy, does it work.
You can click on the above link and read the details yourself, but I'll offer my shocked and awed testimony here. Having had acne since I was, oh, about eleven, I've tried almost everything you can think of to clear up my skin. Big-name commercial products, store brands, exclusive mail-order brands and yes, prescription medication from a dermatologist. Nothing really worked. I mean, not on a grand scale. Everything worked for a little while, maybe clearing up a few individual blemishes, but nothing kept my skin clear - especially when my hormones raged during my cycle changes and my skin broke out with a vengeance. Plus, the prescription medication was dangerous for pregnant women, and, to my knowledge, using it before I knew I was expecting may have even contributed to my first miscarriage. I will never know, but you can bet I will never use it again.
31 and still dotting Clearasil in my pimples, I figured that trying this new method couldn't really make things worse. The science behind using oil to clean your face is similar to the idea of "like driving out like" or "fighting fire with fire". I don't really understand how it works, but it's opening the door for me to be at least a little more open to the idea of "naturally" curing some of the ills we humans face daily. I'm not throwing my ibuprofen out the door, but I'm definitely interested in reading more about how hibiscus tea might help my high blood pressure, or how dark chocolate is full of wrinkle-fighting antioxidants (yes, please - more articles like that).
Apparently, different types of oil should be used, depending on the type of skin you have. As a person with oily/acne-prone skin, it's suggested that I use a combination of a carrier oil (castor oil) and jojoba and grapeseed oils. Organic, of course, and a little expensive (actually, the castor oil I used was NOT organic and I still enjoy great results). I also use the suggested astringent of witch hazel mixed with dried thyme. I initially balked at both the idea of cleaning my oily skin with oil, and also paying $7 or more for a small bottle of oil.
 |
| Image courtesy of healthdesigns.com |
So - I save money and I have clearer, happier skin. The extra bonus - which, for others, might be the primary reason for this technique - is that it's earth-friendly. I admit, it's kind of nice to know that the stuff that it helping me regain confidence and healthy skin is not full of chemicals and fake fragrances and stuff. That's pretty cool.
Anyway, no - I'm not turning "crunchy". Not really. But I didn't think it fair to keep this to myself because it's been so successful. I should also note that I am receiving absolutely no endorsement of any kind for this blog. I'm not into that stuff. I promote what I believe in, whether it's my faith or the talents of my friends, or a recipe, website, or idea I admire. Rest assured that my posts always come from my own experience and I am not into being paid for promoting someone else's agenda. Maybe this is why I'm not a professional writer yet? That's a post for later, too. At any rate, if you've been struggling with troubled skin, it's something to consider. Cool thing is, it's not a "girly" product in a neon pink tube or anything like that, and I would guess it would work equally well for men.
Plus, the grapeseed oil smells like nature at its warm, toasty, nutty manliest. Ooh.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Woo-hoo!
Congratulations to me! This is my one-hundredth (published) blog post! I have been celebrating all day by refusing to get out of my pajamas and being forced to cancel a coffee date with a friend because my headache refused to respond appropriately to ibuprofen.
Uh, yay.
In honor of my "anniversary" (or, rather, coincidentally, I guess, since I only put this together today because my plans fell through), I've launched a brand-new blog. It's something that I've mentioned before, but that I put off because I wasn't sure where to begin, or how to maintain it. But here goes nothing! It's called "Blueprint for Beauty" and it's geared mainly towards teen and tween girls. It's Biblically-based, with lots of personal stories, fashion tips, life lessons and biographies of amazing women who possessed inner beauty and/or outer beauty that led them to do great things. I'm really excited about it and, ultimately, I'm doing it in honor of Olivia, the daughter I never had, whom I would have wanted to raise with this kind of advice.
It's not my goal to be condemning or preachy, but the whole slant of the blog is that we are created in God's image and, because God is beautiful, so are we. I am exploring the attributes of God that make him beautiful, like patience, mercy, honesty, power, faithfulness, and grace - and sharing stories about historical woman who possessed those characteristics. I just wrote a blog about Corrie ten Boom and her huge capacity for forgiveness. I'd like to talk about Deborah's wisdom in leading the Israelite people...maybe German nun Hrosvita who single-handedly revived theatre as an art form? There are so many amazing women whose stories I want to share with the next generation.
The whole idea is to help young women accept the fact that they are beautiful and that what they see in the mirror or on the scale does not define them. It's a really hard lesson to teach and an even harder one to learn, but the sooner the better. I'm so tired of living in - and sometimes believing! - a society trying to convince us that clear skin and slim thighs are proof of value and beauty.
That kind of thinking is NOT godly. It needs to stop.
Join me here.
Uh, yay.
In honor of my "anniversary" (or, rather, coincidentally, I guess, since I only put this together today because my plans fell through), I've launched a brand-new blog. It's something that I've mentioned before, but that I put off because I wasn't sure where to begin, or how to maintain it. But here goes nothing! It's called "Blueprint for Beauty" and it's geared mainly towards teen and tween girls. It's Biblically-based, with lots of personal stories, fashion tips, life lessons and biographies of amazing women who possessed inner beauty and/or outer beauty that led them to do great things. I'm really excited about it and, ultimately, I'm doing it in honor of Olivia, the daughter I never had, whom I would have wanted to raise with this kind of advice.
The whole idea is to help young women accept the fact that they are beautiful and that what they see in the mirror or on the scale does not define them. It's a really hard lesson to teach and an even harder one to learn, but the sooner the better. I'm so tired of living in - and sometimes believing! - a society trying to convince us that clear skin and slim thighs are proof of value and beauty.
That kind of thinking is NOT godly. It needs to stop.
Join me here.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Eye of the Beholder
Last week, Ross and I spent a day in Washington, D.C. I had been there four times previously, but never as a sightseer. Once, I went for a debate tournament and ended up in the hospital with a severe allergic reaction (thanks, dude at Ben & Jerry's who didn't clean the scoop between uses). Another time, I went as the wardrobe mistress for Songs for a New World, which Clarion University had the honor of performing at the Kennedy Center. Another time, my sister and I joined the March for Life, held in a particuarly bitter January (we did end up with our pictures in a news article). And once, I was just passing through, catchinhg a connecting flight back to Pittsburgh. I got to fly over the Potomac at sunset. It was beautiful.
But this time, Ross and I were the touristy sort. I shamelessly flashed my camera everywhere, including places it was prohibited (I got three clean shots before being shut down but the polite but stern security guard). I was surprised, though, at how many of the Smithsonian Institute Museums actually DO allow photography. It was a sightseer's dream come true.
There was a particularly cool exhibit about the government's influence on America's eating habits, including rationing and government-sponsored food campaigns. One was about eating more carp. It was awesome. I also noticed no apologies issued for America's over-consumption of simple carbohydrates, but then, you can't have it all. To my delight, there was a small patch, much like a Boy or Girl Scout badge, that advertized "Heinz's Ketchup". How charming! Representin' the Steel City, baby!
In addition, Ross and I meandered over to the public archives to do a little digging about our respective family histories. I've always been fascinated about my unusual maiden name, and why it was so hard to trace my lineage back to my family's native Belgium. Well, I found out why when I saw a copy of my great-grand-uncle's marriage certificate. Louise Paulette married a Geroges Henri TILLIETTE on June 8, 1890. The spelling of my family's name had, in fact, been changed when they came to America! I was enraptured! Finally, I might be able to trace my history further back than Ellis Island records indicate! Still, there are some "holes" in my history that are proving more difficult than delightful. For example, there's no record of Georges Henri actually coming to America, nor his brother Joseph, who was my great-grandfather. In addition, there were three seperate women named Pauline in the family tree, making things even more twisted. I learned more about both my grandfathers' service records, and that there is no birth record of my mother, my aunt, or myself. Still, those records are being updated all the time, and since there aren't a lot of people searching for Thielets and Kuskils, I don't imagine they're being worked on too hastily.
We ate a quick but delicious lunch at Taqeria Nacional, a tiny Mexican joint wedged behind and incredibly classy seafood house. We joyfully clutched our greasy bag of delicious tacos and our bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola and squeezed past the huge sea of "regulars" - almost all middle-class power-suited whites - and sat down against the building across the street. With Ross's huge backpack and our scrubby jeans, people must have thought we were homeless. I didn't care. My fish taco was awesome.
As fun as everything was, the best part, for me, came when we stopped at a Sheetz in Maryland. There was a trio of noisy pre-teen girls jabbering about a boy or something, in front of us as we waited for my sandwich (turkey on wheat with veggies, no dressing) and Ross's smoothie (epic strawberry banana masterpiece). The employee called out Ross's drink, and the littlest girl looked towards us, saying, "Is this yours?" Immediately, we had all their attention. "Are you really in the army?" one girl asked, indicating Ross's shirt. "No," I apologized, feeling his muscles. "But he looks like he could be, doesn't he?" "Are you boyfriend-girlfriend?" the other girl asked. "We're married," Ross replied, showing them his wedding ring. "We're from Pittsburgh," I offered. "Oooh, I bet you're Steelers fans! I'm sorry about that last game, but you guys have the whole season to make it up!" I laughed. Were these the girls who had irritated me only minutes before because they were being too noisy? How unfair of me. The ringleader of the group turned to me. "You're really pretty!" she said. I melted. Me? Pretty? A few moments before, in the car, I had been mercilessly picking at a pimple on my chin, complaining to Ross that I still had to lose the few pounds I had put on during my pregnancy. I was in a shapeless black dress and dumpy sweater. But this little girl thought I was pretty?
"Thank you, sweetie," I said humbly. Ross came back from paying for our food, and the girls beamed. "I wish you a happy marriage!" one said.
"God bless you girls," I said, silently thanking the Lord that he had arranged for that chance meeting.
"God bless you, too!" they replied proudly.
But this time, Ross and I were the touristy sort. I shamelessly flashed my camera everywhere, including places it was prohibited (I got three clean shots before being shut down but the polite but stern security guard). I was surprised, though, at how many of the Smithsonian Institute Museums actually DO allow photography. It was a sightseer's dream come true.
There was a particularly cool exhibit about the government's influence on America's eating habits, including rationing and government-sponsored food campaigns. One was about eating more carp. It was awesome. I also noticed no apologies issued for America's over-consumption of simple carbohydrates, but then, you can't have it all. To my delight, there was a small patch, much like a Boy or Girl Scout badge, that advertized "Heinz's Ketchup". How charming! Representin' the Steel City, baby!
In addition, Ross and I meandered over to the public archives to do a little digging about our respective family histories. I've always been fascinated about my unusual maiden name, and why it was so hard to trace my lineage back to my family's native Belgium. Well, I found out why when I saw a copy of my great-grand-uncle's marriage certificate. Louise Paulette married a Geroges Henri TILLIETTE on June 8, 1890. The spelling of my family's name had, in fact, been changed when they came to America! I was enraptured! Finally, I might be able to trace my history further back than Ellis Island records indicate! Still, there are some "holes" in my history that are proving more difficult than delightful. For example, there's no record of Georges Henri actually coming to America, nor his brother Joseph, who was my great-grandfather. In addition, there were three seperate women named Pauline in the family tree, making things even more twisted. I learned more about both my grandfathers' service records, and that there is no birth record of my mother, my aunt, or myself. Still, those records are being updated all the time, and since there aren't a lot of people searching for Thielets and Kuskils, I don't imagine they're being worked on too hastily.
We ate a quick but delicious lunch at Taqeria Nacional, a tiny Mexican joint wedged behind and incredibly classy seafood house. We joyfully clutched our greasy bag of delicious tacos and our bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola and squeezed past the huge sea of "regulars" - almost all middle-class power-suited whites - and sat down against the building across the street. With Ross's huge backpack and our scrubby jeans, people must have thought we were homeless. I didn't care. My fish taco was awesome.
As fun as everything was, the best part, for me, came when we stopped at a Sheetz in Maryland. There was a trio of noisy pre-teen girls jabbering about a boy or something, in front of us as we waited for my sandwich (turkey on wheat with veggies, no dressing) and Ross's smoothie (epic strawberry banana masterpiece). The employee called out Ross's drink, and the littlest girl looked towards us, saying, "Is this yours?" Immediately, we had all their attention. "Are you really in the army?" one girl asked, indicating Ross's shirt. "No," I apologized, feeling his muscles. "But he looks like he could be, doesn't he?" "Are you boyfriend-girlfriend?" the other girl asked. "We're married," Ross replied, showing them his wedding ring. "We're from Pittsburgh," I offered. "Oooh, I bet you're Steelers fans! I'm sorry about that last game, but you guys have the whole season to make it up!" I laughed. Were these the girls who had irritated me only minutes before because they were being too noisy? How unfair of me. The ringleader of the group turned to me. "You're really pretty!" she said. I melted. Me? Pretty? A few moments before, in the car, I had been mercilessly picking at a pimple on my chin, complaining to Ross that I still had to lose the few pounds I had put on during my pregnancy. I was in a shapeless black dress and dumpy sweater. But this little girl thought I was pretty?
"Thank you, sweetie," I said humbly. Ross came back from paying for our food, and the girls beamed. "I wish you a happy marriage!" one said.
"God bless you girls," I said, silently thanking the Lord that he had arranged for that chance meeting.
"God bless you, too!" they replied proudly.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
If You Were A Tree...
My poor husband.
For the past three weeks or so, I have been painfully counting calories, complaining about my weight, whining about the gym, and lamenting water weight gain. Although this isn't anything new, per se, it's gotten more intense since I made the choice to seriously commit to walking a healthier path in life.
Which, with the onset of a strange viral infection, went horribly off course.
I was prescribed week's worth of steroids, much like the ones I took as a child. The ones that contributed to my childhood obesity and helped to convince me that 2 Big Macs and fries were a reasonable meal. The ones that tasted (and, apparently, still taste) like wallpaper glue. The ones that cause mindless, incessant munching and the feeling that, even after a huge, healthy, delicious home-made meal, I need chips, ice cream, salsa, and a Hot Pocket.
The ones that made me avoid counting calories for a whole week because I couldn't bring myself to actually record the tragedy that was what I put in my mouth.
So, ugh...we're back at square one. Nothing gained, so that is great, but...big loss of momentum there. Lots of feeling like a failure. Feeling like I will never achieve this goal. Feeling like I shouldn't even bother. Oh, feelings, feelings, feelings.
Why do we trust our feelings? So fickle, they change as often as Lady Gaga's wardrobe. As reliable as shifting sand, as deceptive as the sea reflecting the sky. Why, then, do I put so much faith in how I feel, rather than what I know?
Simple: it's easier to accept our feelings as facts, rather than the fleeting emotions they really are.
It's tough to really analyze and dissect feelings. They lead to deeply-embedded ideals, thoughts, and values about ourselves and others. When your start to really examine the patterns of your feelings, you often find a root problem that is difficult to solve. Solving that root problem requires work. A plan. Often it requires sacrifice. It even involves acknowledgment of the problem - a scary idea for many. So instead of chopping down the sickly, diseased roots, we adorn the tree with pretty garlands and beads. We put a star on top and call it martyrdom, when in reality it is a blend of fear and self-righteousness.
It's ugly.
God wants our roots to be strong and nourished by him. If they are, we grow up strong. He can trust us to bear big, beautiful fruit. He can lovingly place nests and birds in our branches. These are the ones he calls us to raise up for him, whether they are friends, children, or peers. He will know we can withstand downpours and nasty weather, because our roots are down deep, unbreakable, mighty (see Jeremiah 17:7-9).
I have lately been giving in to many, many negative and flighty feelings. I have felt unattractive, unworthy, a bad Christian, a bad friend. I know in my heart that these feelings are meant to spur me to action. To lose weight, to take care of myself, to spend more time with God, to love on people who need it. But instead, I have been breaking out the decorations and lacing up that tree with tinsel and shiny stars.
Now I see that it doesn't make the tree any prettier. What I need is some fertilizer to strengthen my insides first.
Then, I will be so healthy and beautiful I won't need decorations at all. I won't need a disguise.
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