A Leaf on the Wind?

Over the past several weeks, I've been struggling with my role as a stay-at-home mom, a wife, a daughter, and a friend.  As an introvert, even though I love my family and friends, I truly value my alone time.  I'm learning that's not really a great thing for a new mom.  Women in this position need the company of other adults - and it doesn't even always have to be other mommies.  

I've been re-evaluating my relationship with God and the church.  Instead of feeling closer to God these past few months, I've felt further away from Him.  I'm back at church but still dealing with a spiritual "blackout" that I want to push through.

I've been wondering why I haven't been writing - even when I have time.  I identify myself as a writer.  I love to write.  I have lots of ideas.  I just don't sit down and do it.

I think a lot about how to be a better mother to my son.  What kind of person do I want to encourage him to be?  Is it possible to walk way from the Mommy Wars and still be involved in the motherhood community?  Can I refuse to take sides without going AWOL?  Can I put aside my own insecurities and raise my baby boy to be a gentleman who respects women and his elders?  Who looks past appearances and treats others with love?

Image from www.etsy.com.

With all these thoughts swirling in my head like the leaves that will soon fly through the autumn air, I'm taking on a bit of a new identity.  A new symbol.  A new inspiration.

The feather.

Feathers are the means by which birds can fly.  Not the only way, of course; bone structure and anatomy play a role.  But a featherless bird cannot fly.  Birds that can fly doesn't think about flying.  It's part of their genetic make-up.  They just do it.

I need to stop thinking about being able to do something - and just do things.  I've spent too much time trying to talk myself out of things that seem too hard for me.

Feathers also represent writing and fighting.  Words and warfare  Feathers, once altered, can be used as quill pens to spill a soul on paper, or the means to guide arrows to the hearts of their targets.  I am a writer and a fighter.  My husband once told me he married me because I'm strong.  I don't always feel strong, but frequently, fighting just to get through a bad day or a period of difficulty is enough to qualify us as strong.  We don't have to be heroes.  We don't have to be faultless.  


Feathers also represent God.  As believers, we frequently turn to Psalm 91 as a prayer of protection and safety. Verse 4 reads: "He will cover you with his feathers.  He will shelter you with his wings.  His faithful promises are your armor and protection."  In my mind, I see the image of a worn and weary refugee, huddled beneath a pair of majestic, shining wings.  It's an image of rest and peace.  Those bright feathers promise hope.

So, instead of a leaf on the wind, I'll be a feather.  Ready to fly, or be honed into a tool for writing or fighting.  Flexible, faithful, true.  

Woo-hoo!

Congratulations to me!  This is my one-hundredth (published) blog post!  I have been celebrating all day by refusing to get out of my pajamas and being forced to cancel a coffee date with a friend because my headache refused to respond appropriately to ibuprofen.

Uh, yay.

In honor of my "anniversary" (or, rather, coincidentally, I guess, since I only put this together today because my plans fell through), I've launched a brand-new blog.  It's something that I've mentioned before, but that I put off because I wasn't sure where to begin, or how to maintain it.  But here goes nothing!  It's called "Blueprint for Beauty" and it's geared mainly towards teen and tween girls.  It's Biblically-based, with lots of personal stories, fashion tips, life lessons and biographies of amazing women who possessed inner beauty and/or outer beauty that led them to do great things.  I'm really excited about it and, ultimately, I'm doing it in honor of Olivia, the daughter I never had, whom I would have wanted to raise with this kind of advice.

It's not my goal to be condemning or preachy, but the whole slant of the blog is that we are created in God's image and, because God is beautiful, so are we.  I am exploring the attributes of God that make him beautiful, like patience, mercy, honesty, power, faithfulness, and grace - and sharing stories about historical woman who possessed those characteristics.  I just wrote a blog about Corrie ten Boom and her huge capacity for forgiveness.  I'd like to talk about Deborah's wisdom in leading the Israelite people...maybe German nun Hrosvita who single-handedly revived theatre as an art form?  There are so many amazing women whose stories I want to share with the next generation.

The whole idea is to help young women accept the fact that they are beautiful and that what they see in the mirror or on the scale does not define them.  It's a really hard lesson to teach and an even harder one to learn, but the sooner the better.  I'm so tired of living in - and sometimes believing! - a society trying to convince us that clear skin and slim thighs are proof of value and beauty.

That kind of thinking is NOT godly.  It needs to stop.

Join me here.

Five Underrated: Introduction

The older I get, the more I begin to appreciate things that I never noticed as a child.  For example, the sense of peace and accomplishment that bursts out of my heart when the laundry is ironed, folded, and slid neatly into the drawers.  Or, the keen taste of triumph in patiently waiting the exact amount of time before an already inexpensive pair of shoes goes on clearance, and snapping it up like a fish-spearing osprey before the other predators attack.  Even the simple comfort of cuddling on the couch with my husband is something I try to savor when we get the time (which, despite our fairly simplistic lives, happens only rarely).

In light of this "new leaf", if you will, I am beginning a blog series entitled  "Five Underrated".  From movies to foods to music, I'm trying to give the underdogs a leg up.  Of course, this series will be pretty darn opinionated, because I'm using only my own experience to guide me, but maybe I'll be able to open your eyes to some things you never tried, heard, or even imagined (tofu kebabs, anyone?).