Congratulations to me! This is my one-hundredth (published) blog post! I have been celebrating all day by refusing to get out of my pajamas and being forced to cancel a coffee date with a friend because my headache refused to respond appropriately to ibuprofen.
Uh, yay.
In honor of my "anniversary" (or, rather, coincidentally, I guess, since I only put this together today because my plans fell through), I've launched a brand-new blog. It's something that I've mentioned before, but that I put off because I wasn't sure where to begin, or how to maintain it. But here goes nothing! It's called "Blueprint for Beauty" and it's geared mainly towards teen and tween girls. It's Biblically-based, with lots of personal stories, fashion tips, life lessons and biographies of amazing women who possessed inner beauty and/or outer beauty that led them to do great things. I'm really excited about it and, ultimately, I'm doing it in honor of Olivia, the daughter I never had, whom I would have wanted to raise with this kind of advice.
It's not my goal to be condemning or preachy, but the whole slant of the blog is that we are created in God's image and, because God is beautiful, so are we. I am exploring the attributes of God that make him beautiful, like patience, mercy, honesty, power, faithfulness, and grace - and sharing stories about historical woman who possessed those characteristics. I just wrote a blog about Corrie ten Boom and her huge capacity for forgiveness. I'd like to talk about Deborah's wisdom in leading the Israelite people...maybe German nun Hrosvita who single-handedly revived theatre as an art form? There are so many amazing women whose stories I want to share with the next generation.
The whole idea is to help young women accept the fact that they are beautiful and that what they see in the mirror or on the scale does not define them. It's a really hard lesson to teach and an even harder one to learn, but the sooner the better. I'm so tired of living in - and sometimes believing! - a society trying to convince us that clear skin and slim thighs are proof of value and beauty.
That kind of thinking is NOT godly. It needs to stop.
Join me here.
I just turned thirty-one years old. It was painless. But it still hurt.
I wanted the big Three-Oh to be the year I became a mother, or at least the year Ross got where he wanted to be at work. I'm trying to take the good and the bad together; it's the year when I lost two of my three babies to miscarriage, got laid off work, and got stranded in West Virginia with an exploded radiator (the Neon has since recovered, thank you). However, it's also the year that my little sis got married and I got to see my mom after almost three years! It's the year that we adopted our adorable little Loki. It's also the year an old friend reached out and sent us an unexpected blessing...
My pastor's parents, Fred and Diane, recently returned from a trip out east and couldn't stop talking about Jonah, the current production at Sight and Sound Theatre in Lancaster, PA. After entertaining the idea that maybe Ross could use some vacation days and I could take advantage of my unexpected time off, I contacted my old fellow Clarionite Amy Bowers, who runs props for the show. I asked if she had any suggestions as to where we should stay or shop while we were in her neck of the woods. To my surpise, she offered us tickets and a backstage pass to see the show! I literally cried when I read her message. What a blessing after so many defeats!
Not one to settle for a show without a good meal, Ross spent $65 for a $100 gift card (yes, really) for Fogo de Chao - the Brazilian steahouse chain we first enjoyed on our honeymoon. There was one located in Philadelphia, about an hour's drive from where we were planning on staying. Another blessing: Ross's parents, concerned that my newly repaired car might not make the five-hour journey, lent us their Nissan. We drove in comfort and style. Alas, the car didn't have our Wyoming bumper sticker to make us even cooler, but that's okay.
Our dinner was wonderful - my favorite meat was the lamb chop, while Ross liked the filet wrapped in (what else?) bacon. The servers were incredibly attentive and knowledgable, and they surprised me with a complimentary birthday dessert - vanilla bean and papaya sorbet. Yum! Apparently, Ross had informed them I was the birthday girl when I was in the restroom. Enjoying a sweet treat was way better than having suffer through an off-key and half-hearted rendition of "Happy Birthday".
We stayed at a charming bed and breakfast in a tiny town called Bird-In-Hand (remember, we were in Amish country!) The owners were pleasant and good-natured and their kids were too cute (breakfast was being served as their dad was walking them to the us stop). We agreed that we would go back...even though I didn't get any sleep. Apparently there was a mouse in the walls - and he had invited all his mousy friends for a dance party that lasted all night long.
The show itself, which we saw that afternoon, was pretty spectacular. Although the book and lyrics were a little trite, the performance itself was beautiful, heartfelt, and moving. The actors were all quite talented and I loved the costumes. My favorites were the 300-inspired armor of the Ninevites - one of the actors was in what appeared to be six-inch platforms to make him more imposing! Pastor Mark calls Sight & Sound the "Christian Broadway" and he's right. The sets were breathtaking and yes - there was a whale, and yes - it was enormous. The scriptwriters were bold in talking about faith - God is revealed as Jesus as the play ends, and an entreaty is made that unbelievers give Him a try. There wasn't a lot of complicated dancing in the show, but it was so evident during the chorus numbers that the actors were genuinely worshiping God - not performing. That gave me chills.
Seeing Amy again was the real treat, though. I had worked with her in the costume shop in college and remembered two things in particular about her: she was one of the most sensible people I'd ever met, and I loved her perfume (Coco by Chanel). Facebook being what it is, it was pretty easy to see that, since graduation, Amy had grown closer and closer to the Lord. She posted pictures of mission trips. Unlike many of our peers, her status updates were about joy, and excitement about God's plans for her. Reading them began to give me hope about my future again, too. Although I hadn't completely abandoned the idea that God had good in store for me, our recent trials had severely tested that belief. Wondering if we were making any type of positive impact on the youth group...dealing with sorrow and pain over our lost children...unable to comprehend how losing my job fit into the Big Picture...these all weighed heavily on me. But seeing someone I admired literally blossom with Christ's love restored my hope. Although we don't keep in contact so much (after all, four hours is quite a drive for coffee and a chat), I am grateful not only for her generosity in providing me with a pretty sweet birthday gift, but that she is faithful in chasing after the Lord. And it's my prayer that He does reward her with all the desires of her heart, whatever they may be.
Didn't hurt that we got to see her awesomely cute mom, too...even if she did remember what I looked like in Peter Pan! :-/
Sorry, NaNoWriMo.
I know I have almost four days left. But I don't think that even my brilliant wit and clever writing (note: sarcasm) can pummel through 30,000 words in half a week.
I have failed my task.
I was not able to complete a 50,000-word novel in thirty days. I am disappointed in myself because I was really trying to make things different. For years now, I've had the bad habit of adopting wonderful ideas, nurturing them for a few days or weeks, then leaving them starving on the side of the road. I wanted this to be better. Different. I wanted to be able to keep my promise: to deliver a finished product (albeit one that needed major editing in the aftermath).
I couldn't. Not this time.
Granted, I had a lot of setbacks and other obligations this month, some good and some bad: my car died when I was driving to see my mom in Kentucky...we held Thanksgiving at my house and spent Black Friday with my in-laws...I've been writing and directing several short plays and skits for church...my birthday was this month (which meant a wonderful road trip to Lancaster)...
Not that any of those things are excuses. But they provided an easy way for me to make excuses. I've learned that practicing self-discipline takes time and committment. I can scoop a blog post out of my brain in a few minutes, a recipe in several minutes, and a short story in a few hours, but writing a novel is a much bigger project and it does require, for me, far more discipline. A change of venue helps - sometimes. More coffee doesn't help. Two adoring cats who NEED TO BE EXACTLY WHERE I AM AT ALL TIMES don't help, either.
The good news is: I learned from my failure, which ultimately means it wasn't a failure at all. I have a plan for next time! I will hash out my plot in its entirey before the month begins. Although I had a good general idea of where I was going, I found myself adding characters and doing a lot of rewriting of the ones that I had thought I'd established. I also changed several major plot points. Repeatedly. Like I didn't trust my own instincts. Not that novels-in-process are fixed in time and space. Ideas come and go. I'm really thrilled about one in particular, though, that struck me like lightning while I was thinking of something entirely different: I have planned that a character who seemed like an innocent pawn will end up as a co-conspirator. I love what it adds to the story.
But my second-guessing ended up being part of my downfall. It was as though I had bought a decent house that needed nothing but a paint job and some redecorating, but I decided to rewire all the electricity, replace the carpet, and update the plumbing, too. Wasted time and effort.
I will have a flow chart, pie chart, graphs, timelines, whatever I need to keep me more focused during next year's NaNoWriMo (and as I continue to work independently on this book). I will be more strict with myself about keeping ahead of the game. The first week, it was easy to do that. But ideas flowed less freely after that. The longer I waited to sit and write, the more nerve-wracking it became when I finally did so. I panicked. I didn't let the story unfold as it needed to.
It became like forcing myself to like someone for whom I had no feelings, but who needed me.
Ugh. When I did that in real life, I ended up in unhealthy relationships with guys with criminal records.
But I digress.
I guess that I'm making progress. In a way. I am not giving up on my novel. I wrote 31 pages. That's more than I've ever written in one shot in my life. I love my characters! I love that they've taken me on an adventure these past few weeks, and I don't want to give that up. I love that they've come alive and surprised me with twists and turns I didn't expect. I need to make time for them.
I guess they wanted more than a month out of me! I'm willing to give that to them.
