Respecting Motherhood

At the bank, I am often required to obtain employment information from my customers.  Yesterday, a handsome young couple with two gorgeous little boys came in with some questions, and I pulled up the wife's information from my files.  "You're still a homemaker?" I confirmed.  She made a face.  "Yes.  But that sounds so silly and old fashioned."  I agreed, and we laughed.  Such a word puts into your head an image of June Cleaver with fresh red lipstick, heels and a ruffly apron, carving a huge roast for dinner.  So quaint and charming.  So out-dated.  (And although I am so glad those high heels are back in style again, I definitely do not wear them when I iron or chop tomatoes.)

In reality, I have learned that a "homemaker" or "stay-at-home mom" is, like any mother: a nurse, a counselor, a coach, a taxi-driver, a maid, a cook, a punching bag, an accountant, a referee, a cheerleader, an innkeeper, a zookeeper, a gardener, a historian, an interior designer, a hostess, and a soldier - full time.

When I think of the things a mom has to do, I realize why so many ancient cultures encouraged extended families to live together.  Sisters, cousins and neighbors would take care of all their children together, teaching them and raising them as a community.  Who could blame them?  To grind the wheat, and weave the cloth, and pay the servants, and measure the oil, and dye the linen, and harvest the barley, and slaughter the lamb, and bake the bread took up so much of the day that raising the children had to be a shared task as well, or it may never happen!

Of course, women back then didn't have to worry about getting child #1 to soccer practice, child # 3 to the pediatrician and speaking with the principal about child # 2 - all in the same day.  I guess it all evens out, since most of us aren't threshing wheat and baking clay pottery all day.

What I am trying to say is that I have a deep respect for women who eschew a career in order to raise children.  I have as much respect for the husbands who provide financially for them to do so, because I know very few stay-at-home moms who are so financially secure that they don't have to make serious budget cuts in order to stay with their children.

It is surprising (and pleasing!) to me to see more and more young women - even my friends! - who are walking away from jobs, careers and their livelihood because they do not want their children to go to day care.  Is day care a bad place?  I have heard stories, of course, same as anybody, but if your children are being raised with morals and beliefs different than your own, whatever they may be, then yes, it is a bad place.  I work with women whose hearts get broken every day when they have to drop off their children at day-care, or who are pulled away from work because a child is sick or disruptive.  It is a difficult life.

By no means do I intend disrespect to any women who need or choose careers in tandem with motherhood.  They have struggles of their own.  Their lives are equally hectic, but in different ways.  My good friend Jaime, in fact, is balancing beautiful twin girls and the recent return to her job as a stylist - which she loves, which she is very good at, and which fulfills her.  From what I see, the lady is doing a fabulous job, and it's actually helping her appreciate her babies more (plus, Matt gets quality Daddy time with them)!  Now, as for us, it's just that both Ross and I were raised by stay-at-home moms, with Ross even being home-schooled for several years, and we deeply appreciate our mothers being there for us (even when, as kids, we totally did not want them around).

Either way, raising children in this world is no easy task. 

It scares me to think of the kind of world in which Ross and I will eventually be raising our kids.  I just have to believe that God did indeed put within us the potential to be God-fearing, loving, wise parents who will put our kids on the path to His face, seeking His will for their lives...and eventually, appreciating our sacrifices for them as we have learned to appreciate the sacrifices our parents made for us.

Thanks, Mom and Step-Mom.  I love you!