Shifting into Neutral

There is so much excitement and energy swirling about in my life right now.  Thor the kitten, the newest addition to our household, is a crazy bundle of fluffy, needy, lovable grey lightning (he is purring in my lap as I type this, gazing at me with golden-eyed adoration).  Berean Fellowship is  in the process of launching a new campus of the church, one more focused on worship, expression and relationships.  I'm in the middle of starting a new blog, one dedicated entirely to...(drumroll, please) sandwiches!  Ross and I are working with the youth at church and getting the chance to really challenge and encourage them.  We're working with my dad's BFF and a loyal friend to the family, Lee, on finishing the renovations on the bathroom and starting up on the bedroom.  Ross just started a new job and he is feeling fantastic about the changes, opportunities, and pay raise (thank you, Jesus!).  Not to mention, there are some other big changes coming down the pike.

So why do I feel like I'm stalling?

It's strange.  It's like there is so much going on that I can't process all of it.  I want to devote myself entirely to one thing but I can't.  Like most people, I've worn many hats throughout my life, most at the same time: student, daughter, churchgoer, volunteer, writer, sister, girlfriend/fiancee/wife, leader, employee, friend.  I've never had any success with truly committing to anything.  I've always felt like I'm entertaining in all three rings of the circus, never shining or excelling in any of them.

I read a book required by my leadership training courses at Dollar Bank called "Juggling Elephants".  Of all the resources the bank has provided, I think that opened my eyes the most.  It talked about dividing your life into "arenas" and focusing on the tasks you have when you are in each of them.  For example, in my life, in the work ring, I'm supposed to focus on productivity, improving work relationships, and, of course, customers.  In the wife ring, I try to put Ross first, take care of the home, and enjoy my relationship with my husband.  In the church ring, I devote time, money, and talent to lifting up the Kingdom of God.

Though this book did help me understand my many obligations and how to attempt to sort through them, it didn't seem to acknowledge the fact that I don't simply stop being one thing when I enter another ring.  I never stop being a Christian when I am at work, or with my husband.  I won't stop being a wife when I am a mother.  I won't stop being a mother when I am at church.  I know that the book simplified things in a way to help readers focus on one role at a time, but I really wonder if that is practical, rational living. 

Instead, I think I need to ask God help me to find a way to marry together all my obligations.  I know that there will never be a time in my life where something, or someone, isn't pulling on my heart, asking for time, money, talent, or, in Thor's case, salmon-flavored cat treats and a good scratch between the ears.  But I am praying that God will lead me to make peaceable decisions in my life that are not related to title, status, or any expectations but His own.  I could map everything out in an elaborate plan for my life, determining exactly how much time to devote to work, my husband, the church, my family, and myself.  But God would rearrange it anyway.  He is in the business of doing such things.  I'll save Him the effort.

Lord, help me place You first, because that is where You belong, and it keeps me healthy in a spiritual sense.  Help me love my husband and family next, and then serve the church and reach out to others.  That's the real plan, the real priorities, and my only real obligations in life.  Let me find peace in the tasks and roles you give me, and let me not focus on the difficult details - just the joy.

You can't fit that in a Venn diagram anyway.