In high school, I had a bestie. Her name was Christin, and we loved science fiction and Indiana Jones and comic books and I never felt like it was weird to be a nerd when I was with her. We wrote fanfic before fanfic was even called fanfic, and we were inseparable.
Then college happened. We went to different schools, had different majors, and drifted apart. It might have been a good thing, if only for the fact that I wanted to reinvent myself (like many of us do) in college.
"Reinvention" didn't amount to much. I was still a chubby white girl with a geek streak, but I dressed a little more stylishly and figured out what to do with my long, wavy hair (product, product, PRODUUUUUUCT). Still conservative, although less so, being among theatre people. Still didn't drink. Still didn't have sex. Still got good grades. I had a good circle of nerdy pals, though, being a double major in English and Theatre Performance. Few of them really "got" me, though, because another large part of my identity was and is my faith, and most of them didn't understand or share that.
I maintain (mostly online) friendships with a lot of my college buddies. Some, I've become closer to. Some, I respect more because of the way they have handled life's challenges since entering "the real world". We've all grown a great deal since then, through marriages, careers, parenthood, divorce, losing family members, facing illness, financial troubles. Frequently, I feel more connected to them now than I did back then.
After college came work, which, for me, was Starbucks. I think it's safe to say that I've stayed closer with my former co-workers from the coffee shop than from any other part of my life (the exception being church). I still see many of them fairly regularly, and I feel like I learned more about life from working there than I did anywhere else. I learned about constructive criticism, customer service, finances, kindness. I learned about prejudice and bias (yes, believe it or not I was on the receiving end of it more than once). I learned about responsibility. Leading others. Time management.
And I learned that Colombian coffee is totally my fave.
In my group of friends, the ones who are most like me, at this point in my life, are those I met at South Hills Assembly's young adults group, The Bridge. Through associations with the people there, I ended up meeting the man I eventually married. I met like-minded people who are now parents, to whom I often turn to for advice. These people, like me, sometimes struggle to reconcile their faith with the craziness in the world. But we don't see each other that often. We all go to different churches now, and some of us work. Most of us have moved away from the ten-mile radius in which we all used to live. It's not easy to pack up kids and haul them to visit friends. I'm not a phone person; I'd much rather text or meet in person. It gets sort of lonely. Even with a nearby and supportive family and extended church family, it does get lonely.
As an introvert, I'm generally happy to be by myself. My hobbies are usually solo pursuits - writing, reading, sketching. But spending all day entertaining a very curious baby can be exhausting, even if he IS a generally easy-going little guy. It's isolating. But it's a catch-22 for me, because meeting new people is equally exhausting. (Especially since people THINK I'm an extrovert and miss my nonverbals that day "please - I need to go be alone right now!") But when something amazing happens to me - or when I just need to vent, or get advice, I've realized - there's no one "go-to" person I contact. Other than family.
I realized I don't have a best friend.
I do have friends. They are wonderful. My step-sister is incredible and mature and wise. My stylist Jaime is an awesome mom and energetic adventurer. My former co-worker Jordan is an outgoing, brilliantly confident woman and mother. There are more, of course. I have friends at church, too, but very few in my age bracket and family situation. (That is to say, there are a lot of women with whom I am close, but very few are young moms/wives.) They have supported me through struggles and celebrated with me during victories. Maybe I don't need just one best friend.
But then I see those "bestie" posts on Buzzfeed and Pinterest and I'm all like, "I want that."
But then I see the pictures of doughnuts and bay windows and tabby kittens and retro-styled kitchens and I'm like, "I want that, too."
Best friend or freshly-baked cruller. Which do I want more?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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