A lot has been going on in my life lately. As I mentioned in my previous post, after six months of unemployment, I am now working full time again - and I'm loving it! Working at a pediatric office is not my dream job, but I have to say that it's surprisingly fulfilling. I admit that seeing all the newborns gets tough because of what I have gone through, but I get to see some pretty inspirational things, too. I children with special needs whose parents are 100% invested in their growth and development - no matter how different or difficult that might prove. I see men taking responsibility for their children and refusing to be just another "baby daddy". I enjoy interacting with the kids - especially the ones who haven't yet equated the notion of the doctor with the pain of a shot. They're fearless, and quite a bit of fun.
Along with the sense of peace brought by being a "productive" member of society again, my job has given me another opportunity for which I am deeply grateful - an hour-long lunch break. I don't use these sixty precious moments to socialize, but, for the first time in a very, very long time, I use them to exercise. Although I started counting calories over seven months ago, I hadn't added exercise to my plan until three months ago, when I started working again. The changes in my body, attitude, and health have been mind-blowing. I even got the chance to write about what I am experiencing on the practice's website! I've lost seventeen pounds (give or take) and two jeans sizes. I even did the unthinkable (for me) and signed up for a Couch to 5K program, which started this week.
When I look at the progress I've made this year in the area of my health, I'm both very proud and very grateful. I know that God has been with me during the whole process, even though I haven't talked to him about it a lot. But when I sit back adn examine other areas of my life, I'm very disappointed. For instance: my writing.
I call myself a writer. In my head, that looks a lot like this: I use every spare moment to scribble on napkins, in notebooks, on my own skin the ideas that leap into my consciousness; I rollphrases around in my mind and on my tongue; I have conversations with characters that exist only in my imagination; I relish in sitting down before a blank screen and bleeding words until that screen is full of perfect little rows of beautiful black letters.
But, actually - at least lately - it's looked a lot more like this: I think about my blog and my two novels-in-progress while I'm power-walking on my lunch break, then I come home and have dinner, change into my pajamas, and watch Netflix (the show of the hour is currently Twin Peaks, since the parents wouldn't let me watch it the first time around).
ThenI I feel bad about my lack of writing, and plan to make up for it the next day.
Which, of course, never happens.
Well, I'm going to do something that I've never done before, and take a cue from my own success. In regards to my health, I had determined to take things slow, one step at a time, and actually stop believing that change was impossible. I set goals that were reasonable for me. I took things one day at a time, one decision at a time, and, when I made poor choices, I forgave myself quickly and started anew the next day. Instead of ripping off huge chunks, I was nibbling away at my goals, allowing myself to adjust to a different lifestyle.
I'm going to "nibble" at my writing, too. Finishing two full-length novels and blogging regularly - well, that's a lot to handle, especially when I have the ridiculous mindset that all of my blog posts have to be life-changing - or at the very least, completely thought-out, rehearsed, and flawlessly edited. Not that they always are, of course. But perfectionism will do that to you.
I'm going to "allow" myself to post blogs that are neither deep nor meaningful. I might even post some short stories or creative writing. Poetry. Movie reviews. I will not post anything that violates my stated purpose - to encourage and inspire. But maybe it would be good to start "nibbling" away at my dream again.
It might even taste sweeter that way.
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label plans. Show all posts
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Monday, September 19, 2011
Almost Famous
Like nearly everyone in my current circle of aquaintances, I am, alas, coming down with what appears to be a cold. My first of the year. Right before I start a new job. Now, I ask you - is that fair?
No, it is not. But there's little I can do these days, I feel, but brace myself for the storms of life. So I will slurp my chicken soup and slather on the Vapo-Rub and get on with my writing.
And my contemplating.
Things haven't stopped rapidly changing for Ross and me since I last updated you all, gentle readers. I was hoping that September was going to be a calmer month, with less drama. Not so! The month started out with good news: the doctor gave me the thumbs-up that my surgery went well and I should be "ready to go" when Ross and I decide to try to start a family again. Of course, we're not planning that anytime soon. We're still dealing with our loss and a number of other changes in our lives, making this a particularly bad time to think about babies. More good news followed, however; we learned that, despite a doctor's fears, my father did not, in fact, have skin cancer! Hallelujah!
Then, we had to cancel our vacation (the first since our honeymoon almost two years ago) because Ross's truck needed repairs.
Look. I try to be optimistic. I have tried, with every job I've had, to be the friendly one. The cheerful one. The one who tries to see the good in people. I wasn't always successful, but I tried. I am still trying. But I genuinely don't know how much more I can take! Lord, help me bear this burden, because I feel like it's crushing my spirit!
Amid all this, two more huge changes occurred in my life. The first was my accepting a new job. Now, I hope I made it clear to everyone involved, and everyone who has asked, that I had no problems with Dollar Bank. I enjoyed my job; I feel like I had good relationships with my co-workers, and I believed in the company. I am just entering a time in my life where my personal responsibilities are becoming increasingly important to me, and I needed a work schedule that made those other responsibilities possible. Although the manager who created the weekly schedules was more than fair in granting my schedule requests, I knew they would soon be too many to be fair to the rest of the team. With rehearsal times, I would need every Thursday night off. Tuesday nights would be nice, too. And I really couldn't work Saturdays anymore. I had to be available for church events. For me, that was more important than a career I already understood, a swanky title, and job security.
Plus, I was tired of the pantyhose.
But that's neither here nor there.
The second big change actually occurred only a few days ago. At Ross's urging, I auditioned for a company called AMTC (Actors, Models, and Talent for Christ). The process is fairly simple: you audition. If you get a callback, you take some online courses, meet with coaches, and prepare for a weeklong series of workshops and classes, culminating in auditions before some of the best in the industry - representatives from VH1, MGM, and plenty of other well-known companies. It like finishing school for performers. The difference is, the focus is on how not to compromise what you believe in an industry that is well-known for its questionable - or at least unpredictable - morals.
At any rate, I auditioned. I spent little time preparing. I had a lot of other things on my plate. When I was 13, I had stored in a little but very cultured corner of my brain Margaret's monologue from Richard III. It has served me well these past 17 years, rising up whenever an audition piece is needed. I chose "God Bless the Child", a blues piece I had sung for a concert in college. Neither piece was anything exemplary, but I owned them entirely. They had become signature pieces. So, armed with little more than my husband's encouragement, I auditioned.
On my audition form, I had been entirely honest. I stated that I had performed in some shows in college that no longer reflect my values and beliefs. I didn't want to return to the stage unless it was in a way that would glorify God. Seems narrow-minded, maybe, yes, but it is what I want. I listed my previous experience, including lead roles in college and the fact that I had continued writing and directing after college.
"Ah," said the elegant-looking German lady for whom I was auditioning. "Ah, I see you played Fraulein Schneider!"
"Yes, I did," I said proudly. It had been one of my favorite roles.
"I did, too!"
Her accent was better, of course, but I gave it a go anyway. I chatted briefly with her, in my best German accent, about the particulars of learning dialects. She seemed charmed - I couldn't quite tell.
Then I performed my monologue and my song. She asked me to perform a few more pieces, read a few lines, then thanked me. She kindly asked what I would do if I were to get a callback. I looked back at Ross and assured her that we would strongly consider moving forward.
I got a phone call the next day. I had been prepared. My answer was "no thank you."
Well...to be honest, it really wasn't a "no". It was more of a "not right now." I had prayed long and hard about my acting career the night before, and I had been in conflict all day about it. It would involve a lot of hard work, time and money...not all of which I have in abundance right now. I still believe completely that God has called me to use my talents on a larger scale...but I also believe that this isn't yet the time for me to move into that arena.
I sincerely thanked her, and let her know that my experience had been wonderful. I told her that it meant the world to me for a total stranger to believe that I had potential. Of course your parents think you're great, and teachers are supposed to build you up and encourage you...but for someone who doesn't know you from Adam (or, in my case, Eve), to say, "Yes, there is something here we can work with"...man, that means a lot. She encouraged me to audition again when they were in town. I believe that I will.
For now, I have a youth group to support, a theatrical group to co-lead, skits to write, a new job to learn, a husband to encourage, a family to love, a kitten to photograph, and disasters to avert. My life is pretty full right now.
The stage can wait. Maybe I'll be a star in my golden years...who's to say? Only God knows. And I'm trusting that his timing is perfect.
No, it is not. But there's little I can do these days, I feel, but brace myself for the storms of life. So I will slurp my chicken soup and slather on the Vapo-Rub and get on with my writing.
And my contemplating.
Things haven't stopped rapidly changing for Ross and me since I last updated you all, gentle readers. I was hoping that September was going to be a calmer month, with less drama. Not so! The month started out with good news: the doctor gave me the thumbs-up that my surgery went well and I should be "ready to go" when Ross and I decide to try to start a family again. Of course, we're not planning that anytime soon. We're still dealing with our loss and a number of other changes in our lives, making this a particularly bad time to think about babies. More good news followed, however; we learned that, despite a doctor's fears, my father did not, in fact, have skin cancer! Hallelujah!
Then, we had to cancel our vacation (the first since our honeymoon almost two years ago) because Ross's truck needed repairs.
Look. I try to be optimistic. I have tried, with every job I've had, to be the friendly one. The cheerful one. The one who tries to see the good in people. I wasn't always successful, but I tried. I am still trying. But I genuinely don't know how much more I can take! Lord, help me bear this burden, because I feel like it's crushing my spirit!
Amid all this, two more huge changes occurred in my life. The first was my accepting a new job. Now, I hope I made it clear to everyone involved, and everyone who has asked, that I had no problems with Dollar Bank. I enjoyed my job; I feel like I had good relationships with my co-workers, and I believed in the company. I am just entering a time in my life where my personal responsibilities are becoming increasingly important to me, and I needed a work schedule that made those other responsibilities possible. Although the manager who created the weekly schedules was more than fair in granting my schedule requests, I knew they would soon be too many to be fair to the rest of the team. With rehearsal times, I would need every Thursday night off. Tuesday nights would be nice, too. And I really couldn't work Saturdays anymore. I had to be available for church events. For me, that was more important than a career I already understood, a swanky title, and job security.
Plus, I was tired of the pantyhose.
But that's neither here nor there.
The second big change actually occurred only a few days ago. At Ross's urging, I auditioned for a company called AMTC (Actors, Models, and Talent for Christ). The process is fairly simple: you audition. If you get a callback, you take some online courses, meet with coaches, and prepare for a weeklong series of workshops and classes, culminating in auditions before some of the best in the industry - representatives from VH1, MGM, and plenty of other well-known companies. It like finishing school for performers. The difference is, the focus is on how not to compromise what you believe in an industry that is well-known for its questionable - or at least unpredictable - morals.
At any rate, I auditioned. I spent little time preparing. I had a lot of other things on my plate. When I was 13, I had stored in a little but very cultured corner of my brain Margaret's monologue from Richard III. It has served me well these past 17 years, rising up whenever an audition piece is needed. I chose "God Bless the Child", a blues piece I had sung for a concert in college. Neither piece was anything exemplary, but I owned them entirely. They had become signature pieces. So, armed with little more than my husband's encouragement, I auditioned.
On my audition form, I had been entirely honest. I stated that I had performed in some shows in college that no longer reflect my values and beliefs. I didn't want to return to the stage unless it was in a way that would glorify God. Seems narrow-minded, maybe, yes, but it is what I want. I listed my previous experience, including lead roles in college and the fact that I had continued writing and directing after college.
"Ah," said the elegant-looking German lady for whom I was auditioning. "Ah, I see you played Fraulein Schneider!"
"Yes, I did," I said proudly. It had been one of my favorite roles.
"I did, too!"
Her accent was better, of course, but I gave it a go anyway. I chatted briefly with her, in my best German accent, about the particulars of learning dialects. She seemed charmed - I couldn't quite tell.
Then I performed my monologue and my song. She asked me to perform a few more pieces, read a few lines, then thanked me. She kindly asked what I would do if I were to get a callback. I looked back at Ross and assured her that we would strongly consider moving forward.
I got a phone call the next day. I had been prepared. My answer was "no thank you."
Well...to be honest, it really wasn't a "no". It was more of a "not right now." I had prayed long and hard about my acting career the night before, and I had been in conflict all day about it. It would involve a lot of hard work, time and money...not all of which I have in abundance right now. I still believe completely that God has called me to use my talents on a larger scale...but I also believe that this isn't yet the time for me to move into that arena.
I sincerely thanked her, and let her know that my experience had been wonderful. I told her that it meant the world to me for a total stranger to believe that I had potential. Of course your parents think you're great, and teachers are supposed to build you up and encourage you...but for someone who doesn't know you from Adam (or, in my case, Eve), to say, "Yes, there is something here we can work with"...man, that means a lot. She encouraged me to audition again when they were in town. I believe that I will.
For now, I have a youth group to support, a theatrical group to co-lead, skits to write, a new job to learn, a husband to encourage, a family to love, a kitten to photograph, and disasters to avert. My life is pretty full right now.
The stage can wait. Maybe I'll be a star in my golden years...who's to say? Only God knows. And I'm trusting that his timing is perfect.
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