Who's the Victim?

In general, I prefer to stay away from hot topics and current events.  Mostly because I find that the news media rarely reveals more than one side of the story - although there are usually several that should be explored.

Still, the whole Steubenville rape tragedy is something that has been rolling around in my mind a lot lately.  I am hearing so many different opinions, and a lot of them seem to me to be fueled by nothing more than outrage.  From the students who accused the victim of ruining their lives, to the reporters who lamented the loss of the rapists' "promising futures", to the feminists who are squawking against the double standard, to the media "geniuses" who concluded that the best and most important "lesson" from the rape case is that social media can be dangerous...I think many people are missing the point.  The point is that, as a culture, we don't respect women.

This past weekend, noted speaker, writer, and women's advocate Lee Grady taught at my church.  On Saturday night, he spoke to both men and women about many of the terrible things that happen to women - on a regular basis - across the globe.  He talked about female genital mutilation, spousal rape/abuse, and many other things that saddened our hearts.  He said that much of the violence continues because women have been taught to accept it.  

How are things different in America?  They aren't.

For all of our "modern" ways and our first-world lifestyle, I challenge you.  Think about it.  If women in South America have been conditioned to accept physical abuse because it is an "understood" part of marriage according to their culture; if women in Africa hold their own screaming daughters down as they are circumcised because it is "necessary" according to their culture, we are no different.  Women in America are being taught by the media that their bodies are of no value unless they are changed - shaved, enhanced, diminished, colored,  plucked, clothed - in a way that is more appealing to men.  It's an easy brainwash, if you start out young - which, of course, we are.

Image from www.blog.bratz.com.

Many of my peers have babies and toddlers now.  I'm learning from their blogs and from other social media that many of them, regardless of their religion, agree with me that something is very wrong with what the media is teaching our children.  It's as though young moms and dads have had their eyes opened - they see the commercials and products aimed at their babies as though for the first time.  They are shocked to read articles about children in first-grade referring to themselves as "fat".  Some of them don't like the idea of Disney princesses, because they're afraid their girls will think that finding a "prince" is their only job in life!

Image from www.filmschoolrejects.com.

Yet the self-esteem-crushing industrial monster, fueled by the masses, blazes ahead, marketing also to teens and young adults.  What do we have available for them? The Twilight series, one of the best-selling trilogies of all time, which features a young woman who is actually in an abusive relationship (read a clear, simply-worded explanation here).  We're teaching our daughters to desire men who control them and manipulate them, who won't allow them their independence.  I am by no means a feminist in the extreme and somewhat twisted sense of the term, but I can definitely get on the wagon with them concerning this.  Bella is a poor excuse for a heroine!  Instead, my children will admire brave Princess Leia, who got down in the trenches to fight a rebellion.  They'll watch the adventures of clever Martha Jones, who overcame unrequited love and accomplished her goal of becoming a doctor!  They'll read about historical heroines like Anne Frank, Harriet Tubman, and Ruth, Deborah, and Jael of the Bible.  They'll read Jane Eyre and learn that a woman does not have to compromise her standards to find true love. 

At the same time as it has been repressing women, our culture has allowed, encouraged, and instructed men to take advantage of women doing just that - because such actions, of course, make them "manlier".  Men who are respectful of women's boundaries are shamed by their peers, considered weak or feminine - unable to "score".  Men who are sensitive are sometimes negatively labeled as "gay".  We reward brutality with scholarships and idolization.  We allow child abuse cover-ups on a huge scale, which in turn allows more children to be abused as leadership "figures things out".  Our popular music tells young men to "get some" without any thoughts about the future - or the past.  That's pretty dangerous.  Ask anyone with an STD - if you find someone willing to talk about the experience.

Can you see what I am getting at?  The Steubenville tragedy was awful, and yes, a lot of lives were ruined by the actions that took place that night.    Whatever poor decisions she had made - and I do personally believe that heavy drinking, regardless of age, is always a poor decision -  this girl absolutely did not "deserve" what she got.  No one stepped forward to help this young woman, because no one really thought anything bad was happening.  Their perception of the situation was influence by both alcohol and the effects of the media, which teaches that "she probably wanted it anyway".  Their obsession with social media allowed them to witness the events as through a lens, like they weren't even participating.  Just think!  If someone had been brave enough or angry enough to step in, maybe this wouldn't have happened!  Maybe reputations and friendships would have been preserved and the community would have remained intact.  

If we put out efforts into raising a generation of young men and women who respect themselves and each other, maybe the media will have less and less of these stories to feast upon.  

Eventually, that bloated beast just might starve.

Are You Even WEARING Underwear?

Because my sensible but flattering panties offer more coverage than your super-tight booty shorts do.

Yes, little super-cute 89-pound 12-year-old girl getting frozen yogurt at the mall.  I am talking to you.  Unless you are auditioning for America's Next Top Superhero, you should not be wearing Speedo bottoms as outerwear.

Dear Lord, where's the modesty?

Please don't assume that I'm just a cranky, angry, overweight judgmental hag who loathes nubile young women with healthy, perfect creamy skin and long, lean legs.  Although I never had the "ideal" teenager's body, and I can't honestly say what I would have worn if I had possessed one, I can firmly say that the clothing options for young girls today are absolutely ridiculous.

We criticize women for dressing in ways that are too revealing, suggesting that the clothing they themselves wear is the cause of sexual assaults, and yet all we offer them to wear are short shorts, paper-thin shirts, string-strapped camisoles and Dorito-sized bikinis.  The trend starts young, never even giving a toddler the chance to cover her knees!  As soon as the onesies are outgrown, we stuff little girls into too-tight dresses and suggestive t-shirts like this one (no, I am not suggesting that cheerleading is the enemy, just sexualizing it is).  Then, when we sign them up for dance class, they're squeezed into this.  Does a 6-year-old really need to be sporting go-go boots?  

Don't get me started on this whole toddler beauty pageant thing.

We are robbing our children of their childhoods.

What breaks my heart is how quickly kids are growing up these days.  When I was 13, I barely understood a single sexual innuendo that was coarsely tossed across the school cafeteria.  These days, nine-year-olds are flipping off their parents and five-year-olds have learned that the "f" word is more effective that saying "please".  Younger and younger girls are getting pregnant, and younger and younger boys are running away, too afraid to man up and become fathers.  Apathy has set in like a silent plague as even the children in my church class whip out cell phones and text during the message.

Although clothing was a lead-in, what I really mean to say is that the trend I am seeing nowadays is that parents are taught, by the media and society, how not to be parents.  They are taught not to discipline their children, because spanking is evil and abusive.  They are taught not to pry or push too hard when it comes to serious matters, because that might would a tween's delicate sense of privacy.  We can't make the strong suggestion to our teenagers that they should abstain from sex, because, unless we supply them with condoms and/or abortions, they will become have it anyway and become careless unwed mothers and or absent fathers.

We can't be their parents because we are too busy being their friends.

I apologize if the tone of this message is too sarcastic or bitter.  I am just aching inside to see parents - and other mentors - rise up and care enough about children, rather than their own images or feelings, to lovingly discipline, patiently teach, and gently encourage the next generation.  I know I have failed in this area.  There are young women I have met who I wanted to reach, and even though it is true that each person must choose his or her own way...I think I could have made a difference, but I didn't commit like I needed to.  I pray that, when the time comes for me to be a mother, I will be brave and obedient enough to teach my children to seek wisdom, love modesty, treasure friendship and, above all, worship God.